A Simple Way to End the Year Strong

A simple way to end the year strong involves allowing yourself a little space for three activities. First, focusing your attention. Second, celebrating your accomplishments. Third, assessing what worked and what didn't and feeding that into your new years plans. Sounds simple, right? Yes, it's a simple outline, but the practice of it is less simple. It can actually be rather confusing and messy. There are many factors that go into the decisions about where you put your focus. There nuances to how you identify accomplishments for the year and especially discerning what worked and what didn't. Not to mention, this may not be your best time for planning.

In this episode of Unlimited, we sift through the factors and nuances of the year to clarify your simple way to end the year strong.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• How to focus and de-stress the holidays
• Wrap up the year with a positive focus
• Reviewing and setting a word of the year
• What to consider when new year goal setting
• Build self-trust and lean into growth

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Resource page with ‘What to Say’ Download
7 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress
Setting Holiday Boundaries
Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
Holiday Support Coaching Session

I also reference every episode from Season 2. I'm writing a blog post to map and link everything out and encourage you to join my mailing list for notification when that is completed.

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Transcript

Valerie Friedlander: 0:00

Hello, my friends, and welcome to the final episode of season two, where we are talking about a simple way to end the year strong. So lots of lists in this one to give you really clear outline so that we're keeping it super simple when we're talking about holiday plans, when we're talking about planning into the new year, all of that stuff. Before we dive into that, I would like to just take a minute to acknowledge that this podcast has been on for two years, I had no idea what I was getting into when I started it. And I think that's important as we are looking toward planning into the new year that sometimes we set an idea forward. And we don't really know exactly what it's going to look like. I mean, that's the whole science experiment, right? You go, Okay, this is what I think. And we're going to try this out, and we're gonna see what happens. And then you allow it to evolve, you allow it to do its thing, and then you take a look at it. So it's a process, you may have heard me say that before, it's all a process, life's a process. This one has meant two years of sharing with you all two years of you being here, 75 episodes, this will be the 76 over 5000 downloads, and downloads in every continent of this world, which is just amazing. So before we really dig into all of this, I want to express my gratitude to you for being here for being one of those downloads, even if this is the only episode you listen to or have listened to, you have been one of those people that has kept this podcast going, that has inspired the content inspired me to keep sharing, and I very much appreciate you being here. If you would like to have even more influence and inspire further, I would love to hear from you, especially as I dive into planning and preparing for the next season. Reach out either via email or social media, or however works best for you. And let me know what has been helpful for you what you'd love to hear more of what you haven't heard that you'd like to hear. I very much appreciate your feedback. It helps so much I read every review, I read every email, and they all mean so very much to me. So thank you for that. And please keep it up. What we are going to dig into in this episode are how to focus and de stress the holidays, wrapping up the year with a positive focus. And by positive when I say positive. I'm not like oh, we're just being happy. It's more like how are we looking forward? How are we setting a foundation that is supportive for forward movement versus doing and feeling stuck reviewing and setting a word for the year? What to Consider When new year goal setting and building self trust that supports you leaning into growth. This past season. This second season of the podcast has been very much designed to cover the core areas that come up with clients as we're creating a flow in their life as we're building into growth mindset. And we're creating support structures for moving forward in your life. We've touched on all of the different areas that are important for supporting oneself as you move forward. Each month has had a particular focus. So there are episodes in season one that is a reference. But this is going to be also very much focused on what we've covered and ways to use what we've covered in this season to help you move forward into the new year. So without further ado, let's get started. Hey there I'm Valerie Friedlander, Certified Life business alignment coach and this is unlimited. This podcast bridges the individual and the societal, scientific and spiritual, positive and negative, nerdy and no, there's just a lot of nerdy. come on board and let's unlock a light that's as badass as you are. There's essentially two parts to this episode. The first part is wrapping up this year because we're in December and there's a lot of focus on the holidays. Now, some people are thinking about the new year and planning for q1. And that might be you. There are some people who are feeling the pressure to Think about q1 and planning for the new year but aren't there yet, because there's a lot going on. There is a lot happening right now in December. And a big part of what I help people do is be in the present moment, but not just be in the present moment, be in the present moment in a way that sets the foundation for moving into the future in an aligned way, and they go hand in hand. So we're going to talk about wrapping up the end of the year. And then we're going to talk about New Year stuff. And the New Year stuff isn't just structuring a plan. But it is about setting that foundation and knowing what you need, trusting yourself to have what you need as you move forward. Trust is a big piece of all of this self trust and creating a support system that you can lean on that you can trust. The book that I'm reading right now is rest is resistance by Trisha Hirsi. And, as I'm right at the beginning of it, but it's very appropriate for right now because this is that season where I really just want to hibernate, like the cold has me pulled in, just started my period. And so that hasn't he pulled in and resting is the thing I would like to do. Yet I feel that poll to keep going and keep pushing, like I'll be tired, and no, I can't take a nap, I need to keep doing the thing. That's my punishment for going to bed late, right? Like it's all these consequences. And everything is about consequences. And so I love this manifesto in a way to acknowledge our divinity, and our spiritual nature needing nurturing, there was a line that she says that is I trust the creator and my ancestors to always make space for my gifts and talents without needing to work myself into exhaustion, that is sitting with me deeply right now. Because I recognize that there is a constant pull to force that space, instead of allowing that space. And that may be confusing, there is a difference. A lot of my work is around helping you allow that space. And yet, it's hard. It's very hard, because there's so many polls that say you can't so let's talk about what it can look like to allow that space. Because one of the things in this end of year portion is that there are so many things going on there. So many polls, consumerism, is saying by all these things, traditions are saying by all these things, be with all these people do all this stuff, and plan for the future and plan for the next year, set your intentions and do all of the stuff that you're supposed to do to kick the new year off, right. So I would like you to take a minute to go okay, what does it look like to be in the present? And while the President may be stressful to be in the present moment, and define your priorities? What is really important to you right now maybe take a look at your values, what do you want to honor. And I like these words, that idea of honoring something, because it gives the weightiness to it, it acknowledges a spiritual newness to it and embodied newness to it that has a weight to it not in a uncomfortable, unpleasant kind of way, like stress, but in a this deserves my attention kind of way. So what do you want to honor? What about that is important to you? One of the questions that has come up a little mantra sort of thing from 12 Step is asking how important is it? And that often comes up when it's related to arguments like how important is this? Is this something that like a hill? I'm willing to die on as it were? But it also applies in this of how important is this? What about this is important? And when I look at what about this is important, that can direct how I want to honor it, how I want to show up to it, getting caught up and house can get a little overwhelming. So what do I want to do to honor this? So what is it? What do I want to do to honor it allow those values that you have to inform what you focus on? As in what you say yes to what you say no to, and that can be as much with your own attention and what is happening internally as it is to external things. I did an episode last year Episode 52, seven ways to reduce holiday stress, where I kind of go into this in more depth so I'm going to direct Due to that episode, if this is something that you'd like more support on rather than dig into it here, but I am going to cover those seven ways, just briefly. The first is defining your values, as I was just saying, What do you want to honor? And what does honoring that look like for you clarifying your budget, because again, all the consumerism, all the polls to do certain things like when you think about what you're honoring, and what your budget is that can help direct, what is important to you to spend your money on based on the amount of money that you have to spend so that you're not setting yourself up to be overly stressed in the new year. So you can think about like, when you think about your budget, what are you honoring with that resource of money? Three is allocating your time, which is also a resource. So how are you allocating that time, what is important for you to allocate your time two, four is communicate clearly, this is about keeping your side of the street clear. So you may communicate clearly and other people may ignore you. Going back to the last episode, where I talked about saying no, sometimes we set boundaries, and other people don't hear so our boundaries are about us. And if they don't hear you, that may inform the way you need to engage your boundary, how firm that is what you want to do with it. But when you know that you did your part, you know that your side of the street was clear, you did your part in this, how they feel, how they engage, what they choose to do with it is their part, that's their responsibility. And yes, there can be a weight to that of disappointment of sorrow of grief, when people choose to handle your boundaries in a particular way. And so allowing space for that. And knowing that that's a normal thing to have is important. Five relates to that, which is don't take things personally, knowing that what's going on for them, and how they choose to handle your boundaries, how they choose to show up to the communication, all of those things, isn't about you, it's about them. It's about their process, it's about what's happening internal to them. Sixth, assume good intent. That doesn't mean ignore your boundaries, that means that you trust that they're doing the best they can, and that they're not trying to hurt you. Now, it doesn't matter if their intention isn't to hurt you. If they are, again, that informs your boundaries and what you need to do. And sometimes it just allows you to look at it a little bit differently so that you can still honor what you need to honor what's important to you, knowing that maybe they communicate clunkily I don't know if that's a word. But whatever you get what I mean. Maybe they have a lot of stress, and they're just showing up in a way that's not ideal. And then you're like, Okay, I can let that go. Because it's not that important. Again, this is not to discount or push away the things that are important to you and what you need. If you want to work on boundaries, go take a listen to the boundary episodes that we just did. And remember that abusiveness is not a boundary issue, it's not a you're not setting boundaries well enough, it's a them issue. And it does inform your boundaries. But it's not your fault. It's not because you didn't communicate clearly enough, I really want to be clear about that. Because sometimes the whole like, well, I'm going to look at it differently. And I'm going to switch my lens on it isn't really appropriate. So knowing what your needs are, is really important. And seven ties to that, which is have a plan to support yourself, knowing the dynamics that you're going to be engaging, have what you need for support, maybe it's a list of things you can say because you get overwhelmed and you're not really sure how to allow a pause for yourself. This came up with a client recently where she's like, I can do this on the phone, but when I'm in person, it's really difficult. I have a little cheat sheet that I will have a link to in the show notes where it's like things to say because sometimes it's hard to think of them so having an outline like okay, I can this is my go to thing to say or this is my go to call person or whatever it is that you need to support yourself and honor what your needs are in this time is important. So those are the seven ways to reduce holiday stress. Again, if you want to dive into them in more depth go listen to that episode. I will link that in the show notes. And then there's also an episode called setting holiday boundaries that I dig into specifically holiday boundaries but also the concept of boundaries. So if you want to take a listen to that that is there for you as well. So that's the first piece this end of year wrap up Focus, focus your priorities. The second piece is sell braid. This is so important. We do not celebrate enough, we do not make room for celebration, we do not honor and acknowledge the things that we do, because we tend to minimize the things that we have accomplished, or forget them. So making space to acknowledge what you accomplished, even if it's not what you planned, because that's another one that comes up, we discount the things that we accomplish, because oh, well, that's not what I plan to do. Well, you did, you still did a thing. So let's make space to honor that to acknowledge that maybe the results weren't what you hoped. And we're going to take a look at that in the third piece of this. But right now, in the celebration part, allow yourself to see the effort that you put in and what it took to do what you did, even if it didn't work out the way that you thought, this isn't just an end of year thing, as you might imagine, it is an all the time thing, but especially this end of year, I think it's really helpful to take a minute and I like to take a sheet of paper and write it all out, so that I can really see what I did. Because when you look at that, you're gonna be like, Wow, I did a lot, you may not think that you will, but you will see it when you write it down. So I encourage you to write it down. Because you deserve to see what you did. And really give space to celebrating it celebration also allows you to look towards what worked and what you want to keep and expand, maybe you will aim it differently, like when you take action in the next year. And again, we'll look at that in a minute. But doing this part first, will help you think differently about what didn't work. And you know, like what went wrong as it were, so that you can see what you have to celebrate within that because you did something and you deserve to celebrate the effort that you put in and the desire that you have, and all of that. Okay, so now let's talk about the third thing, which is assessing. Alright, so we have focused, celebrate, assess assessing, is where you look at what worked and what didn't. And this isn't just like, what worked the way you wanted it to this is also what worked that you were like, Oh, that worked. Like, I didn't think that that was what I wanted, or I didn't imagine this is what would happen. But I like it. So taking a look at all those things. What effort created? What? And what about that enhanced your life? And what about that detracted from it and where you want to go? Because again, you know, just because something is working, like say you did a thing. And then you're like, Well, it worked. But then you're like, oh, like what happened? And like how it worked? It didn't actually feel the way I thought it would well, that's not something you necessarily want to keep growing. Like, you might be like, Oh, well, I did it. So yeah, I did it. And how can I apply what I did in a different direction so that I can try obtaining something else that might be more aligned with what I actually want. Now that I know that this is not actually what I want. So it's a process. It's always a process. Science, it's life, it's messy. Speaking of messy, several entrepreneur clients that I work with had a more difficult year than previous years, it just didn't go as well. And there are lots of reasons that could play into that, you know, economic stuff coming out of the pandemic, not that it's gone. But you know, all the shifts that have happened as things open up and change. So we took a look at for both of them, like what was different this year than previous years? Because yes, there could be big system things. And then they're also like individual things and what's going on sometimes what changed isn't something we really think about, like it's a shift that we didn't even notice, because it was just kind of like this natural adjustment we made based on our programming based on automatic responses of like, well, yes, of course I do that. So, you didn't really think about it was like this automatic thing. This often happens with mom entrepreneurs, because it's often family related. Because it has to do with that programming, of course, you're going to make space for your kids. Of course, you're going to make these adjustments. That's just naturally what you do. And you didn't realize you didn't notice that space was taken, or space was reallocated. And you wonder, Well, what happened? Why isn't this working the way I thought Why did things shift? And it's unclear so taking this time to kind of look at what is different, what was done differently, what changed what shifted what life things occurred, because emotional things take up space to and this isn't to say that they shouldn't take up space. This is to say that it's important to recognize that they did so that you can know what you need better. So for example, with these clients, one, her kids started being homeschooled by her spouse. So you know, her spouse was doing the work. So she didn't really think about it. But it meant that she lost two to three hours of focus time, just because of the logistics of what that ended up looking like. And that had an impact, she had less space to reach out for visibility, you know, previously, it had happened more organically from other activities that were reduced because of that loss of time. And thus, interview invitations diminished show, she didn't show up in the spaces where she had shown up before or in new spaces the way she might have. And so, because that visibility diminished, she wasn't getting as much traffic to our site, and she wasn't getting as many new clients that way. So creating space or looking for where can that space be created was a key component of planning for the next year. Another one, her kid is now a toddler. And so that slow progression from or what can seem like a sudden progression from baby to toddler, now there's only one nap. And that nap gets used for this aspect of her business. And other things get done with her kiddo around. But it means that she has less full focus. So she's getting the things done, but she has less full focus. So they take longer, she gets less done. And she was like, Why is this not working? Why do I feel so much more drained? Well, not only do you have less focus, and things take longer, but you're using more energy to get those things done, because your attention is split. So knowing that can inform what she wants to let go of what she wants to say no to for this next year. And what she wants to say yes to or what the requirements are for me to do this, I need to have this happen. So I'm going to make this happen or ask for this. And then I can do these other things, right. So it's just it's this way of identifying what changed, and what impacted what, so that you can move forward with the next phase the next experiment, my son was just doing a science fair project. And in the project, he's like, trying to figure out how to work the results so that he can say what the answer is what the conclusion is, was the hypothesis correct? Or was it incorrect? And I had to let them know, look, most experiments, especially a first experiment, but even subsequent experiments are just gathering more information. A lot of times they aren't conclusive. They just tell you what the next experiment needs to be. They give you the information to set the next experiment. So again, it's okay if it's not definitive, it's okay. If you don't know the answer, taking the information, giving yourself space to process the information and then take the next action is key. It reminds me why I love the word Khadi. Wobble the British slang word caddywhompus means to walk intentionally toward an unknown destination. And that allows for that intentionality. Okay, now, what's the next experiment? I don't exactly know what the experiment is going to create. I have a thought around what I would like to create. So I have a way to assess if it's moving me where I want to go. But hey, maybe I don't know. So as far as end of year wrap up, taking that time to focus your attention, because maybe planning isn't the focus right now. That's okay, celebrate what you accomplished, regardless of what it looked like the fact that you put energy in that you put effort in that you tried is important, too. And then assessing, taking a look at, you know, the things that didn't work out the way you wanted, and what shifted, what do you want to do differently. Now, this next part, we're going to touch briefly because I'm basically going to point you through this last season of unlimited to the episodes that are key for this planning piece. And as I mentioned, there is no rule for when to plan when to assess. There is certainly an energy here at a client like everybody's asking me and I'm just not there. That's okay. You don't have to be there. You can tell people you know what I am waiting until after the holidays to take a look at when I want to sit down and plan that's okay. You could even say I'm waiting until toward the end of winter when I have more energy because I'm I hibernate or that's okay. Do you're allowed to say this is not what I'm doing right now. That's called boundaries. So, if you are thinking about New Year stuff, and you do want to take a look at stuff, there's a lot of resources around planning. It starts with visioning, which I talked about in February, part of visioning can be set Seeing an intention a word of the year, which is a great way to focus, to ask questions to check in having a word allows you when you're making decisions to go, Okay, how does this feed this word? Maybe it's not just a word, maybe there are several words, maybe it's a phrase, maybe it's for the first part of the year, and then it changes. Maybe it's a seasonal thing, that all of that what works for you, if you're not sure what works for you allow yourself to experiment. If you remember your word from last year, that can be a great piece to look into when you are trying to figure out what happened this year and how that went. Did the word of the year work for you? Did you lose sight of it? What would you like to do differently when it comes to a word? If you want to do a word, right, like taking a look at that there are four buckets, if you are planning ahead when you're visioning now, again, the episodes from February about manifestation. And clarifying what you want are helpful for coming up with that vision. But the four areas if you just want to sit down and simplify because this episode is all about keeping it simple work, the work that you do in the world, whether it's for somebody else, whether it's for yourself, whatever it is like what do you do? What do you put into the world? Finances, budgeting, what do you need to have coming in? What do you need to have going out? What's important to you their health? This is mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, what are your needs in each of those areas? relationships with others, what you want to give, what do you want to receive? Where is that happening? Where do you want that to be happening? So taking a look when you're when you're setting goals or thinking about what your intentions are what you want to create visioning, when I talk about visioning, it's about who do you want to be? How do you want to experience life? And what impact do you want to make, that sets a foundation for being in the now and building from that space into the future, that's how you build alignment in the actions that you take to move forward and toward what you imagine you want to create. Now remember, what you imagine you want to create is based in now. So that's the whole caddywhompus thing. As you gain more information as you evolve. As you do the things you may learn new things that inform the next things you want to do. The things that get in the way, there are five things that I'm identifying, that tend to get in the way, when we're trying to move forward when we want to plan into the future, when our plans don't work out the way that we want. One, your actions are misaligned. So you set that vision. But maybe the action doesn't actually align with a vision, or they don't fit your values. In March, I talked about values, how to stop reacting and start responding. Shifting from drained to motivated. This is the way that you set those values, you clarify those values so that you're moving forward in a way that is aligned with those that you're checking in when you're decision making when you're planning that those action steps are aligned to your intention doesn't match the impact that you have. And that impact could be internal or it could be external. I talked about this in April under the mindset portion. So the helpful versus harmful mindset work. And my interview with Alia Walker, a round table to improve your perception. I also touched on this in season one episode, you're more than your personality test. So take a listen to those if you notice that intention of like, okay, I'm going to do this thing. And then the impact that it has on you or the impact that it seems to have on other people or situations doesn't match take a look at those episodes. Three is that you're derailed by stories. So this could be internalized rules, emotional triggers your inner critic. In May, I talked about rules, breaking free from assumptions and misaligned rules, the courage to change. In August, I talked about emotions, fantastic emotions and Where to Find Them to emotional awareness and beyond and my interview with Dr. Mavis Missoura become empowered by your emotions. In October, we talked about the inner critic, silencing your inner critic and dealing with impostor syndrome. The fourth is misalignment of resource allocation. And this happens again, it's all an experiment. So there's nothing wrong with you if you discover that you did not align your resources the way you needed to. And that's time money and energy. So maybe you spent money on something that you're like, Oh, that wasn't actually what I wanted to spend money on like that didn't do what I thought I was going to do, or I spent time on Sunday spent a lot of time on something and then you're like that didn't work out the way I wanted. That happens. In June. I talked about planning To create a plan you'll follow through on and finding time to proactively plan November boundaries is a big one is relates to all of that allocation. How are you filling your buckets? What are the boundaries that you put around what your needs are, including those resources, setting healthy boundaries, how to say no without guilt, I also have that bonus episode, give yourself a break that I did in June, which is really key and might be a good one to listen to right now, if you're struggling and you're like, I shouldn't be doing all this stuff. But I just don't have the energy to and I don't want to give yourself a break. Go listen to that episode. Or go listen to the manifesto that I mentioned at the beginning of this rest is resistance, because that is also really affirming for taking a break. And the fifth one is actions are too big. Like the plan the thing that you say you want to do. They're too big, and you're missing the habits and micro shifts that need to take place first. Oftentimes when we're not doing something, one, yes, there's a reason that you're not doing it. But to it may be that that reason is because there's another layer of shift that needs to happen. I talked about this in July's habits. Do you want to build a habit, deep self care to shift habits, both of those episodes dig into those micro shifts, so that you can dig in deeper and your own space to look further at, okay, well, what's the micro shift that needs to happen? What's the smaller stairstep that I want to build, so that I can do the thing that I say I want to do? And sometimes making that micro shift, you may realize, again, it's like another little mini experiment, you might be like, Oh, that's not actually what I want to do. So hey, that happens, too. So those are all of my little tips to keep it simple. Now I know you might be listening and going to hell, that's not simple. No, it's not. I tried to break it down in a simple way. But honestly, this is life. Life is complicated. Life is messy. Being human is messy and complicated. And it's okay that it's like that we are all so determined to get these quick fixes. Because we just don't have the time or the space, we don't feel like we do. But you deserve space. We need space to be human, we take up space. And we need to have that space to process and really show up and create what we want to create in the world, not just what we've been programmed to create in the world. So the simplest thing that I can give you in all of this is to give yourself space, allow space for the pause when you're dealing with the holidays, when you're dealing with other people, when you're dealing with situations, when you want to plan, give yourself space. And if you want support, to utilize that space in a way that really holds you in a way that helps you move forward and process what you need to process. That's what I'm here for. If you would like to have support to move forward in an aligned way, in a way that will help you engage all of these little experiments and move in the direction that you want to move in and be the person that you want to be at that same time. Because they they are the same thing. So often we're like, oh, if I just do these things, then I'll get there, I'll be that person. That's not how it works. Be the person now you are the person now you're going to create from being that person. So the more you can be fully you and give yourself this space for that the more you will create from that space, the more what you put into the world will align and you'll be able to be in that reciprocal relationship with your life. I often think of the Red Hot Chili Peppers line and I'm forgetting the name of the song. But it says this life is more than just a read through this life is more than just a read through. You haven't just been given the script to read and do but to create and write your own story takes space as any author takes space. I'm here to help you hold that space. If you'd like that support, especially as you head into the new year, reach out I have certain ways that I typically work with people but I can also be flexible because I'm here to meet you where you're at and create something that works for you. One idea that I'm throwing around is doing a VIP day where we actually sit down and go through each piece of this and create supports around them. So you know if you're looking for something, you go to my site and you're like I'm not seeing what I'm looking for, but I know I want to work with you right reach out, send me an email. And we will find something that works for what you want to accomplish in a way that is supportive for you. I will be back with more of the unlimited podcast in February. It's possible there will be bonus episodes between now and then we'll see make sure you've subscribed so that if I do decide to share a bonus episode you get notified. But otherwise, I will plan to see you in February where I will tell you what the plan is because I am taking a break to rest, to celebrate, to focus and to create. So with that, I will talk to you all next time. Thanks for listening. I so appreciate you being here. If you got something out of today's episode, please share it leave me a review. Take a screenshot and post it on social with a shout out to me, send it to a friend or you know all of the above. Want to hang out more join me on Instagram, or better yet, get on my mailing list to make sure you don't miss out on anything. And remember, your possibilities are as unlimited as you are. Allow yourself to shine my friend. The world needs your light. See you next time.