Unlimited

Embracing Your Identity with Ellie Dote

March 17, 2021 Valerie Friedlander Season 1 Episode 20
Unlimited
Embracing Your Identity with Ellie Dote
Show Notes Transcript

You can follow all the strategies but ultimately, success is multi-faceted and can only be defined by you. Yet authenticity is vulnerable and comes with greater risk, especially for people who are marginalized in our society. Stepping into greater alignment with your true self involves letting go of pieces of your life that you were previously defined by. It’s never comfortable, often messy, and there is no perfect – only progress. 

In this episode of the Unlimited Podcast I invited Ellie Dote to join me for a conversation exploring understanding and embracing your identity.

  • Some of what we talk about in this episode include:
  • Accepting yourself and owning your story
  • Why we seek other people’s style and strategies
  • Identifying YOUR success
  • Knowing and honoring your values
  • Celebrating yourself and others

 

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me!  @unlimitedcoachval

I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
 You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
 
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
 

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Support Ellie's work via Venmo: @Ellie-Dote

 

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Valerie Friedlander:

Hello my friends and welcome to another episode of Unlimited. Today I am talking with Ellie Dote, who is a Southern California native having spent most of her single life just 15 miles north of Disneyland. She is a brand designer, and also a queer, transgender Christian, and a mom to three grown children. In a past life. She was an associate pastor and has worked in full time ministry positions all over California. She is currently working on her soon to be released memoir walking towards Cordelia and which she shares about her experience and coming out and experiencing church as a queer, transgender woman of faith and has been featured on various podcasts including queer ology, the brave files and a year of listening. When not with her girlfriend, she spends her time blogging, going to the beach and enjoying Disneyland when it's open, because right now, we are still in the coronavirus pandemic, though there is light at the end of the tunnel. I've had the pleasure of knowing Ellie for several years now. And she's so gifted at bridging gaps in experience, so that you can see yourself in the deep truths of a story. What we talk about in this episode, has to do with the possibilities that open when you accept yourself and finding community and shifting communities, reconciling parts of ourselves as we evolve, learning to be comfortable with who you are, the importance of honoring your values in your work, as well as celebrating everything, celebrating yourself, celebrating diversity, celebrating the work that you do. There's so much richness in this episode, and I can't wait to share it with you. So without further ado, let's get started. Hey there, I'm Valerie Friedlander, certified life business alignment coach, and this is unlimited. This podcast bridges the individual and the societal, scientific and spiritual, positive and negative, nerdy and no, there's just a lot of nerdy. come on board. And let's unlock a light. This is badass as you are. Hello, Ellie, welcome to Unlimited. I'm so glad to have you on.

Ellie Dote:

It's great to be here.

Valerie Friedlander:

Um, I would love for you to share with the audience a little bit about you, in your own words.

Ellie Dote:

In my own words...

Valerie Friedlander:

As opposed to somebody else's words

Ellie Dote:

Well, yeah, I guess. My teacher says, have a special. Now I am a mom of three kids. I am divorced, living in Southern California after spending 20 years in Fresno, California. And I am a business owner and a blogger. And I'm also a member of the LGBT community as a queer and trans woman.

Valerie Friedlander:

Awesome. And that actually leads us to what you are here to talk with us about for us to chat about is the importance of identity and in life in general, but also as a business owner, and I know that's something that you and I have chatted a lot about over, gosh, years. It's been it's been a couple a few years, hasn't it?

Ellie Dote:

A few years, you know, it popped up on my, my Facebook memory. We've been friends on Facebook for three years. So, so happy three year, friend aversary.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah, thank you. But yeah, we were we were talking about I mean, as a as someone who does branding for business owners, and especially women, business owners, and who were juggling many hats, because you know, both you and I have worked with a lot of moms and multi passionate women who are finding their voice as a business owner. And that's what I found with branding for myself of how do I articulate who I am not just for me, but in relation to the people I want to work with. And that's taken a lot of self exploration. So tell me a little bit about when you say identity, what do you? What are you looking at?

Ellie Dote:

Well, either what's funny is that you and I met through the the Boss Mom group. And what's funny about that is that there are so many people that are a part of that group, there's, I can think of a dozen other business groups and organizations and things that I've been to seminars where people go wanting to find out, what do I need to do? What is the formula, what is the secret to having a successful business. And we're told, well, you have to do this, you have to have a business plan, you have to have a purpose statement, you have to know what you're doing, you have to have this structure in place. And at the end of the day, what it really comes down to is, you have to be authentic to yourself. And that bleeds over into my own personal life in the fact that for many years, I was told that, if I had, if I wanted to be a successful dad, if I wanted to be a successful husband, then I needed to do this, this, this, this, and if I wasn't able to do these things, then I wouldn't be successful. And all the while not realizing that we know I'm, I'm a woman, I am, I'm a mom. And those mothering instincts are, are a part of who I am. And so I was fighting against those instincts trying to be dad for many, many years, and it didn't work, I got angry, I got frustrated, I thought, I'm not good enough for this. Until I finally realized and came out and said, No, this is who I am. And in the same way, businesses can try to follow all these different formulas. But if you're not truly who you are, then it's then it's not yours. You're trying to recreate something that somebody else has created. And so my business, in terms of brand identity, is all focused about telling your story and getting you to see who you are, and where you've come from. And let's celebrate that and make that a core part of your business so that you have something that separates you, from everybody else that is wanting to be what they're being told to be.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah, that's when you said success. That really jumped out at me because that's, that's a word that we use a lot. And we throw around that idea of like, what is what is success? What is your success? And thinking about how much that ties to how you identify as the what is success in each role that you hold? And what are those roles? Are they really you? And what do you want that role to look like? As you cuz like, what's the what's the common denominator here? Oh, you?

Ellie Dote:

Yeah, well, if we look at, you know, the root word of success, then it's Suck.

Valerie Friedlander:

And that explains everything

Ellie Dote:

And this sets the tone for the entire interview.

Valerie Friedlander:

So maybe we should just throw that word out. Um, I wonder, within that idea of being successful, and knowing that it's, it's tied to you, owning you, and yourself and your story and your journey. I think that is scary for a lot of people because there are so many shoulds in the world, for anybody, but when you place it, it's not always dangerous for people even though it feels scary and feels overwhelming. But looking at places of privilege, and what's even for for people who have a great deal of privilege in our society, it's still scary. What would you tell people who are running into that fear that you would want them to know?

Ellie Dote:

Well, there there definitely, it's a bigger risk. That's, that's how it is any time we we put ourselves out into the world. You know whether it be I'm gonns dress the way I want to dress, when I walk out the door, there is a bigger risk than just, you know, looking through the latest tissue of Cosmo and going, I'm just going to copy this image. It's not, it may not be authentic to who you are, and there's no risk in it. Because if you get ridiculed for what you're wearing, then you just look back at cosmos, Cosmos steered me wrong. It's a bigger risk, because you're putting out something into the world that is authentic. And there are going to be times when, when it doesn't go perfectly as planned. And it's, it's a bit harder, because it's harder to not take that personally, because your business encompasses who you are. But the rewards are tenfold. Because when you succeed, when people want what you have to offer, then you understand that they're wanting you because of you not because of what you've been told to to do.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah, yeah. And I, I've heard you talk a lot, and I know, it's a big part of your story of shifting community, and the importance of that, in identity. And I'd love for you to share a little bit about like, what is how does community play into identity for you?

Ellie Dote:

You know, it's, I spent a good chunk of my life in church, and walking a path towards going into ministry. And in fact, I was the associate pastor for a couple of years in there. And so, when that or when I came out, all of that was, was at risk, you know, it it, I had to give up in that community, where I thought I needed to be in order to be successful and successful at life. And so when I came out and started trying to figure out what Where do I fit in? There were.. there were a lot of questions. Would people appreciate me and embrace me for who I am? As this as this new self? I need to reformat myself? And finally, am I going to accept me? And that's where it really began.. is where is, am going to accept who I am Because if I don't accept who am, then I can't expect anyb dy else to accept who I am eith

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah, yeah. I think if that understanding, isn't there of Who am I, we're willingness to embrace that. When I think about like, branding, and sharing who you are, so you can attract the people to you who are the people you can be the best service to and the people that you can connect with best. There's, there's that risk involved in saying, you know, this is who I am, because then, you know, the fear of rejection is powerful for anybody. But the more the more risk, like social risk, because of communities and because of where you feel like you fit the the harder it is to be able to to put that out there. What do you tell somebody or when you're working with them around around identity and around their, their face into the world, when you're trying to help them connect to that story of who they are.

Ellie Dote:

A lot of it comes down to whether your passions in life, you know, it's it's a lot of his Facebook quizzes of, you know, personality, those things that we retake that real Hmm, I never do that about myself when you see the results, or, oh, I definitely can see that, you know, all those different things. So I guess the big question is what what are the things that motivate you? What are your core values? What are the things that you wake up in the morning, you go, Oh, I absolutely love this. If I could spend the rest of my life doing X, Y and Z, then what would that look like and formulating stuff from there that those are your core passions, and how does that how does that then manifest itself or not manifest itself in the world. Are you trying to hide that, and realizing that once you start embracing this is not going to be everybody's cup of tea, but that's okay. And recognizing that, you know, your worth is not tied into what anybody else is saying. It's about accepting yourself, as you are embracing your passions and realizing that you're, you will be connected, and you'll find your tribe of people that accept you for that. And that's, and that's the most important thing, if you try too hard to fit in with any other circles, that you're just informing to them, and you lose sight of those core passions. And pretty soon you start resenting who you are, you start resenting what you're doing, and and that's still not a fun place to be. Now, it's exhausting. Oh, yeah. You know, it's, it's the same way, as, you know, I recognize that as LGBT business owner, that as a trans woman, there are people that I am not going to, you know, look for their approval, and not go into the Jerry Falwell school of ministry and going, Hey, anybody need a graphic designer, you know, that's fine, I recognize that those aren't my tribe. And that's fine. I don't place my worth in whether or not they go, Oh, I, you know, I could use a graphic designer, and you're the right one for me, I recognize that. And the sooner we can recognize that our ability to accept ourselves attracts certain people in, then the better off we'll be.

Valerie Friedlander:

I know that a big part of your work has been owning your story and helping other people own their stories so that they can grow in, in that, but also bridging the gap with your story between the community that you once were connected to, like felt that it was part of your identity, what is brought you to engage those two spaces, the the the identity that you were, that was part of success for you. And now, this new identity, that is your true self.

Ellie Dote:

I posted yesterday on Facebook, this story about left handedness, and how it wasn't that long ago that people, you know, thought that being left handed was a mental illness that you could cure, and that you could be out of somebody and that you could discipline out of somebody. And that you prevent by a certain way that you did things in life. And I can only imagine being somebody that's left handed, I'm not. So I imagined this. But how that would feel to feel like the world is telling you there's something wrong with you. And that stigma still is around in many ways because the world is created for people who are right handed. But to finally go from that place of saying there's something wrong with you to know you are beautifully and wonderfully made. The just the way you are. I can only imagine how liberating that feels, to finally growing from a place where I have needed to work and concentrate my entire life on trying to overcome this one portion of my life to all of a sudden being Oh, no I can exist as a left handed person in the world that's fine. Now let's explore the world as this as this brand new me that that is is part of the world and and i'm fine as a left handed person. In the same way it is very I spent so much of my life thinking that I was gay. Thinking that there was something wrong with me. And that you know, maybe if I just prayed hard enough, maybe if I just did more church, maybe if I you know became a minister maybe if I became a pastor, maybe if I this this is this to finally be in the place where I go Wait, no. I was meant to be le and that is who I am. Now I am free to embrace the life that I was meant to live and no longer is my focus on trying to overcome this. And it has opened up this amazing In a world of possibilities for me, and when I recognize that with my past, and the, and the messaging laid off from the church, my training and pastoral ministry kicked in and said, no other people need to be liberated from this, and other people need to hear this message. And so I have been doing a lot of work in in terms of helping people who are dealing with their identity in the LGBTQ community, and how to reconcile that with their faith, to be freed from that to embrace the life that they, you know, they have been given.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah, my kid in the background.

Ellie Dote:

That's why we're moms.

Valerie Friedlander:

Exactly. Like, there's a, you know, all these pieces of identity that I'm thinking, like, I'm a business owner, but I also have my kids at home. And, you know, you you shared a bit ago, on social about, about that awareness of being raised with certain values and principles that were oppressive, at first, and then taking kind of the but but not in and of themselves, but because of the way that they were enacted in that community. And going, this doesn't resonate. It's, it's like a cognitive dissonance, not even just within yourself, but in the practice of, but you're saying this, and this is what this looks like. And I fit not in the way this is being articulated, but in the way that it is stated, or that it resonates. And that actually part of that journey for you has been staying connected to your your spiritual roots, but not in the practice the way that it was practiced, that kept you from being who you really are. And I, I would love to know about what you talk about with someone that you're working with, and you're looking at the fullness of their story, even the parts that they don't want, maybe to show or that they they're feeling disconnected from but are still part of their story. What you what you say, to them to support that integration.

Ellie Dote:

You know, when we're when we hide things, parts of ourselves that we don't like, then it leads us to live those parts out in the shadows. I, when I was working in church and thinking that I was gay, I kept thinking, well, maybe I just need more church, maybe any, you know, here in Orange County I live in or grew up in Orange County, California, and there's no shortage of churches down here and no shortage of big churches out here. And because of that, you know, I I remember early on hearing this sermon where this pastor put this dish pan on the on the podium, and he held up a clear glass and he scooped a bit of dirt into this glass and said, this glass represents you. And this dirt represents sin. And he started taking pictures of water and pouring it into the glass. And as we watched, the dirt began to flow out of the glass. He said, this, this water represents God. You can't dump the dirt out on your own, you need more of Dov in your life to help get the sin out of your life. And so for me, thinking, Well, I'm dealing with identity and isn't my identity as a as a gay person's sinful. You know, I have to I have to have more of God in my life. And Orange County that meant you know, going to church every day of the week because you could there was always the church service, there was always another this another that that that that exists is within the Christian realm. And so I I joined everything and when, when that wasn't enough, I started volunteering at a local church in in music ministry. And with that wasn't enough I went to Bible college and then became a pastor and then, you know, went to work full time at a church in the Bay Area as a graphic designer and And, you know, it, when you start working for for a paid ministry position, you'd find all the little issues that happen when when humans run run businesses and and groups like that. And I started becoming disenfranchised with the church. And also, little by little, because it was not a healthy environment in this in this church. I began to lose my my faith. And in doing so all of those questions to rally my identity started coming flooding back. problem was that I didn't know anybody else outside of the church in the Bay Area. I knew that any buddy outside of the church in my own life. And in some way, I couldn't really ask the church about these questions that they had that were coming up, about how to process my identity and all of that, because if I came out of those, thinking I was gay, that I would lose my job. And that was the only way you know, we didn't have anybody else to fall back on in the Bay Area. You know that? That was that was it. And so I couldn't risk that just to get answers to my questions. And during this time period, it was the property battle here in California, where marriage equality was being was being voted on. And so the LGBT community had become very aggressive in the way that they were going after people who were who were in and around the LGBT community that we're supporting causes that were against gay marriage. And so I felt like I couldn't I couldn't go to the LGBT community and say, Hey, I think I might be gay. And I just don't necessarily know how to deal with this. And by the way, I work for this church every year. So all of that stuff, all of those questions that I had, hidden from the world, I had to find answers to. And the only place I could turn to was shadows. And so when I ended up in a moment of indiscretion, at a bath house in San Jose, and realized pretty quickly that"Wait a minute. No, I am not attracted to men." So what what, what's up with that? So I had those questions, but it led to even more questions. And I, you know, I remember as I cried out to God, what they join, you know, God, am I is this some sort of cosmic joke, am I like the only gay person that doesn't like men, like what the heck. And I ended up in, in a state of clinical depression, for goodness, 10 years. We left the church, we left that job, we moved back down to Fresno, and I went to work for a design firm, and just kept my distance from the church, but didn't necessarily what I was or who I was. All I knew was that there was I thought something was wrong with me. 10 years later, I started getting sick. And long story short, I was diagnosed as HIV positive, and they had contracted it from that night, 10 years earlier. And at the point that they found it, I was dying of AIDS. And so I, I look at my life now. Now they've been in treatment. And now that I have a new lease on life, and meds are amazing. And I can I could say I'm expected to live a full, long, healthy life. I find it important for people to understand that when we don't face our identity, our identity, we'll find a way to try to come out. And sometimes that will be in in damaging ways that that will be harmful to ourselves. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that that you'll end up you know, HIV positive and dying of AIDS. But it might mean that you lose sight of who you are. You become depressed, you become suicidal, you, you you start dealing with these these different issues, because you're not being truly who you are. And you're not being you're not embracing the fact that you are amazing just the way you are.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah. Yeah, thank you for sharing all of that. I mean, it's, it's something that is such a deep truth in so many ways that you know that the last episode I did was on toxic positivity. And that idea of, of just trying to think positive, your way out of what you're actually experiencing doesn't acknowledge and honor, that there's a reason you're experiencing what you're experiencing. And it's, it's important, and you are worth listening to and honoring. And I know that this has been a big part of your work at this time to give voice to these to your story and to be available as a place that can bridge some of that gap between two communities that have been, well, why the LGBTQ community has been seriously harmed by the church, but also people who come from a faith background to want to hold on to that, and not not not be separate from that, while still owning their true self.

Ellie Dote:

And so for me, you know, I, I look at my business, and my business is burst out of this place of I need to survive. And as things started taking off, as I started doing more and more graphic design work, I realized, no, my core, my core values, and my core passions are still to do this work where I am interacting with church leadership to ask these questions to say, This is my story. This is where the church led me because we're not talking about it. And as I'm hearing more and more, I sat with a mom who, whose story was featured in the movie trends on amazon prime, who got up and spoke and said, at a conference that I was, or a service of I was a part of, as well. And I'll never forget her saying, I wish that I had a trans daughter, instead of a dead son. And I sit with that they go, this is where this, this is why this conversation is important. And so for me, my my, I make it no secret that my business chose to support me in doing this work. It makes space for me to survive so that I can be out in the world, talking to churches and sharing my story. So that way, we we start having these conversations that need to happen because people are losing their lives over it. And you look at the statistics that say that if you are in church and identify as LGBT, that you're 50% more likely to commit suicide than somebody who is LGBT that does not grow up in a church background. And so, so for me, those are the core values of my business. And that is a story that I I put out there into the world. Now valid, you know, if you know, if you wanted to copy that, it probably wouldn't work as well for you. So I emphasize that importance, because, you know, I recognize that again, yeah, the Jerry Falwell school ministry is not going to be someplace for right Connect for business. But that aside, you know, that is my niche. I am a member of the longbeach LGBT Chamber of Commerce. I am a member of the National Gay Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. And those are that is where my story is. And so I encourage my, my clients to find those areas. And to recognize that there's, you know, as, as that meme goes, you know, equal races not not pie. There's enough for everybody. Yeah, you know. And so, you finding your niche and finding clients that align with your values. Or at least are willing to support your values is everything. And, and that is, you know, that's, that's where we're called to do business and I would much rather have a business that just makes enough to get by the one that is breaking in seven figure incomes, but not embracing who I am.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah, absolutely, that being able to say that this is who I am, and this is what I stand for, I think, is becoming even more, I've noticed with, maybe again, maybe it's just how I show up within my own values. And in my business, but recognizing that, so often we've we've placed value on money, and status and success, like we were just talking about the beginning, like what is success, but success defined by other people, and it not connected to your own value system, ultimately, will eat away at us, at all of us. And I'm seeing more and more people who are saying, I actively look at someone's page to make sure that they are aligned with my values ever starting to see that more and more of that.

Ellie Dote:

We saw that with the Black Lives Matters movement this last summer, the emphasis on on supporting black owned businesses. And that I believe is is amazing.

Valerie Friedlander:

I hope that that means you know that we are seeing more of a shift because there are a lot of those of us like myself who fit into like, you, you share it, and I've seen it before the the circles of privilege. And I would say, you know, I'm I'm like one out, cuz I'm heterosexual cisgendered able bodied white woman. So being able to acknowledge the the places of privilege and to stand up and say, I'm going to use my privilege in places where I need to speak out, and I'm going to shut up, it's time for me to shut up. And listen, it's been an interesting time of going, you know, that, stop trying to be the expert, and just be yourself. And I had that conversation with my son recently when he's like, he likes to share what he knows. And we had to talk about, like, I want you to own what you know, and I want you to own who you are. But you also need to practice listening. And there are times when you don't get to, it isn't your turn to talk and learning to do that. But I think the more comfortable we are and who we are, because part of that is like childhood and, and learning who they are in relation to other people and, and in themselves and kind of like learn that learning process because we aren't we don't exist in isolation we exist in, in community, whatever dynamics that creates for us, so, but like to be able to go, I can be comfortable in my own self I don't, I can take it out of the good bad binary, and say, I'm learning and I'm listening and I don't have to do it perfectly. And I don't have to know it all you have on your, your page when we know better we do better. And knowing that that's a constant process. So I can't, until I put myself in a position to know better which means not knowing, like taking it out of that expert place. And, and I see that really play into the space of business of, you know, what does it mean to be an expert? And, you know, we talk a lot about imposter syndrome. And it's like, well, of course you feel like an imposter if everybody is telling you you don't belong here. Like how could you not? So I see it more as like experts syndrome, right? Like what we say is an expert what we say is qualified what we say is worth spending money on or knowing and that that's the place where we have a problem because it's born out of a very, you know, white centered heterosexual centered cisgender centered space and that it's time for us to start going okay, we need to release that expert syndrome and own our own story. And I would love to know like as you do that work around identity and around your owning your story. And who you are and what it looks like to highlight someone in owning that?

Ellie Dote:

Well, I don't know, you're the experts. Nice. Yeah. At the same time, I do need to say for you, Val, that you have an amazing way of listening. There have been several times when we've had some really good conversations. And, and I know that, that I look to you for advice. So, you know, there's no harm in acknowledging that either. You know, I think it's important to note that we're really talking about things like white supremacy and, and racism, that we're not talking about, you know, people are dressed in hoods, and burning crosses, and all that. We're talking about ways that our society has been systematically stacked against people of color, that I think that's important to note, because that the people who only hear this conversation and that they're being labeled as as bad or evil and racist, and I think that's where we're missing each other in this conversation, is that we have people who are profiting and not recognizing their own privilege. And it's not saying that you hate people of color, it's saying that your life is playing into the systems that we have built as a nation, that we need to repent of, and and change direction of, so that way we can build a more equitable society. So side note their side tangent, but I felt like that was important to say, in terms of the question of, of helping people understand their identity, you know, a lot of it for me comes through guiding towards imagery. I help my clients, I present them with the story and, and help them choose things, not necessarily what roles you see and not asking point blank questions. But what colors do you envision when you think of leadership? Let's come up with some keywords that you adjectives that describe your life, describe who you are. And let's work with those adjectives. When you type those adjectives into Google Image searches, what images immediately pop out to you and resonate and say, This is who you are. So let's pull all that together then and and create a brand that that reflects you and reflects and resonates with who you are. And that's that's what we build those the images in terms of branding and design and all of that. It also helps guide just died people to say, Okay, now now that we have a logo and a look and feel that that resonates with you, how can you put words to that, let's build a story that that celebrates you, and celebrates your humanity that celebrates who you are, and why you're doing this. Let's embrace your why. And make that the core and, and let everything else come out of that. Too often we we focus on the things that come out of it without focusing on the why. And it just becomes this hollow shell. And that's and that's not what I want to see my clients develop.

Valerie Friedlander:

Well, that yeah, that reminds me of what you said earlier of the do all these strategies to be successful. And if it's not rooted, if it's not grounded in who you are, and what your values are and what you want to stand for, then it's it's not going to, it's not going to work for you. It's I mean, it might on a certain level, but you're going to hit a stop point that where you're going to be exhausted by it because you're trying to hold up an image that doesn't resonate. And that's that's a lot more effort. So that's really exhausting. And when you said celebrate, just now that really jumped out to me. Celebrating is such a powerful word that we don't do enough of like I so often I'll ask people like, well, when did you did you celebrate that accomplishment? Like how will you celebrate How often do you celebrate? Like oh, I don't I don't do that like how do you know what resonates if you don't take a minute to celebrate? Like how do you know you did something if you if you don't take a take a moment to celebrate it and and celebration is is an attractive energy,

Ellie Dote:

well, and it's celebrating your core identities and your core beliefs, and lifting up and celebrating that those identities around you. You know, for too much of my life, I was taught to be ashamed of who I was of, you know, admitting, yeah, I'm gay, and being scared to own that. And so, so, so much of what I do now is, is focused on embracing and celebrating those things that are different, that make us all part of this community, this global community. And I think that that is the most important one of the most important things for me. I talked about you know, it, it does mean no good to fight for LGBT rights, if I'm ignoring the rights of the person of color, and I'm using them as a stepping stone to gain more power and privilege in the world. So my job then is to you know, as as a Christian, is to lift up those people that are around me to celebrate everybody. So we're all on an equal playing field. And that is, that is what I am. That is what my business is based around.

Valerie Friedlander:

I love it. Thank you so much for sharing all of that. It's just I so appreciate your story, and you being willing to share it here. I will have links in the show notes for people who would like to check out your blog and, or anyone who is looking for a brand designer.

Ellie Dote:

One thing I didn't add in, I do have my book, it will be coming out at some point. I'm still in the editing process, but it will be coming out at some point, which goes a little bit more in depth into my story.

Valerie Friedlander:

Awesome. Yes, be sure to let me know when it is out. And I will add it into the show notes. I do like to wrap with a couple questions. I would love for you to share with the audience. What does it mean to you to be unlimited?

Ellie Dote:

Unlimited. That's a word that we throw around a lot right now. I mean, I look at you know, I'm limited, you know, that speaks to me of, you know, missing or you can eat buffets, and t mobile and unlimited data and talk plans that I never really think about, like unlimited in terms of my own life, because our lives are finite. But in reality, it's a lot about the limits that we place on ourselves for the time that we have here. What what impact and difference are we making in the world and whether we willing to leave behind. Whether we want to be remembered as. Because that is unlimited.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah. And when you want to feel Unlimited, What song do you like to listen to?

Ellie Dote:

You know, it changes a lot. But at the moment, I would say from the musical the prom, which if you haven't seen on Netflix, I have not. It's a ton of fun. There's a song called unruly heart. That just brings me to tears every time and it's just really about embracing who you are, and loving who you are.

Valerie Friedlander:

Awesome. Thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate it.

Ellie Dote:

Thank you for having me.

Valerie Friedlander:

As Ellie mentioned, her brand design work, helps fund her advocacy work in sharing her story, it is not her primary source of income at this point. So, I acknowledge that some of you may not be looking for a brand designer, but you may be interested in acknowledging Ellie's labor, emotional and otherwise and supporting the work that she is doing in the world. So with her permission in the show notes, I am also sharing a link to her Venmo account if you would like to contribute to this work. I also encourage you to check out her website for resources that can support your journey as well as be a support to other people who you know are looking for resources. Thank you so much for joining me and I will talk to you all next time. Thanks for listening. I so appreciate you being here. If you got something out of today's episode, please share it leave me a review. Take a screenshot and post it on social with a shout out to me. Send it to a friend or you know all of the above. Want to hang out more join me on Insta gram, or better yet, get on my mailing list to make sure you don't miss out on anything. And remember, your possibilities are as unlimited as you are. Allow yourself to shine my friend. The world needs your light. See you next time.