How Do I Get Out of My Own Way [coaching]

How do I get out of my own way and into aligned action is a common frustration that leads people to sign up for coaching with me. My client in this session is an empathic introvert with strong intuition that she struggles to follow for herself. Her hope in signing up for a session was to uncover what keeps holding her back from living in alignment with her intuition. Unfortunately, most of us learn to question our intuition through multiple facets of our socialization. From there we’ve generated idealistic stories about what following your intuition should feel like that fuel additional confusion and perpetuate cycles of feeling stuck.

In this episode of Unlimited, you’ll hear us unlock the stories that hold us back from our intuition’s guidance and staying empowered when things don’t go as planned.

Some of what we engage in this episode include:

• Fear of success
• The grief that comes with transitions
• Understanding self-doubt
• How to ask helpful questions
• Staying empowered when things don’t go as planned
• Stress in stretching your comfort-zone
• Creating a container to support action

Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me!  @unlimitedcoachval
  
 I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.

You can send me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
  
 AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
  

LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Apply to be coached for free on the podcast
Schedule a FREE exploration call
Create Your Flow Course

CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Facebook
Instagram
Get email updates!
Work with Valerie!

Transcript

Valerie Friedlander: 0:00

Hello, my friends and welcome to another episode of unlimited. Today we are talking about how do I get out of my own way and into aligned action. This is something that a lot of people struggle with the ideas of what it's going to be like to take aligned action how it's supposed to feel. And this is especially true for highly spiritual people. This woman who came to me is an empathetic introvert, intuitive a healer, a single woman living in the suburbs, who enjoys yoga and Pilates and wants to start a coaching practice and finds herself stopping the self doubt messages keep coming up. And there's the sense of not trusting herself to do the things, which unfortunately, is a pattern that tends to perpetuate itself. There's also the change in breaking away from family norms, not just your own norms, but the norms that you exist in with the people closest to you. And also the societal stories that say what you can and can't have based on patterns in your life. So we dig into all of that we are talking stretching comfort zones, we're talking self doubt, we look at the stories that we tell when it gets uncomfortable. And understanding what intuition really feels like in those situations, shifting into empowered thinking when we encounter an obstacle, and building a trusting relationship with yourself. If this episode resonates for you, I want you to know that I do have several resources available to support you working through some of these processes, you are welcome to hop on a call with me and we can explore what coaching together would look like. I also have my create your flow course, which is a 10 module course that walks you through some of the key explorations that we are looking at here from visioning and values, creating that container, to building a strategy to navigating the self doubt and emotional charges that can come up as you step into doing something different. So if any of that is like, Yes, I need this in my life, then go grab a spot on my calendar for a free exploration session. This is a no strings attached conversation where we can get to know each other a little bit, you'll tell me about what you're looking for. And we can explore how I can be a best support to you in that you will walk away with some form of aha and next step action, whether it is working together or grabbing the course or something completely different. So grab a spot on my calendar, I have time's opening up into the fall. And I would love to chat with you. And now without further ado, let's get started. Hey there, I'm Valerie Friedlander, certified life business alignment coach, and this is unlimited, this podcast bridges the individual and the societal, scientific and spiritual, positive and negative, nerdy and no, there's just a lot of nerdy. come on board. And let's unlock a light. That's as badass as you are. I like to start off asking if you walk away from this session, and you had an aha, that gave you exactly what you needed. What would you say had happened?

Client: 3:53

Um, I would have more awareness and more clarity as to what blocks me like, what unconscious blocks I still have? Because I know there, I know it's there. And just to have that awareness, and then from then on, is that changed? But, you know, how can I change something when I'm not even remotely aware of it?

Valerie Friedlander: 4:20

Yeah, absolutely. You can't rate change you can't see. So that totally makes sense. If that block was removed, what would be different?

Client: 4:30

Oh, I would have the balls to make changes. What I like to align with aligned with my soul line with my spirit line with my intuition. And that, let my mind dictate what actions I need to take. Like that first second, when my intuition is kicking in, is to stop my mind. Or at least observe it and stop it before it gets in the way and says no, you can't do that. No, it's not gonna work. No, it's you know, it's just me every excuse, it's going to give me to not take action on, you know, starting a business or taking action. That's a step to starting my own business or taking those little unit. If it's just like, even if it's a micro step. That's big. So, if I can nip it in the bud, yeah. Yeah. You know, if I could, you know, if I could be like, okay, that might Okay, that that's coming up, okay. Just, you know, be aware of it. And then just kind of, like, Okay, I see you, you know, I see you, I give you space. Okay, now, you know, get out of the way. And let me do my thing.

Valerie Friedlander: 5:36

Yeah. Yeah. So, when you are aligned with your intuition, what would you do?

Client: 5:46

I would start taking steps to create my coaching business, you know, reach out to people find the resources that I need, or that I'm being guided to find. And, you know, one thing is another thing is, is like, I would be able to hear my intuition more, instead of like, doubt, instead of like, Well, did it come from, you know, is that? Is that really my intuition? I would have that more like, hell yeah, that's it. I this is what I need to do. And I always, like second guessing myself, or second guessing my intuition just, you know, is that really my intuition? Or is my just making it up? So yeah, again, it's always questioning your it's always questioning myself. But it's that, okay. Yes. Heck, yeah, that's what I need to do.

Valerie Friedlander: 6:35

Okay, so I'm hearing that what you believe is if your intuition were stronger, if you were more aligned with it, actually, let me rephrase it. I'm hearing that if you were aligned with your intuition, you believe that it would be louder.

Client: 6:57

Yeah. And another thing is, like, I just got goosebumps, too. Um, you know, I think it all comes down to trusting myself. And I have a, there's a part of me that doesn't trust myself. Because I think in the past, when I've trusted myself, sometimes things didn't work out. But maybe they really did. And I just perceived it as, Oh, I, I made the wrong decision. I failed, I will never do this, you know, I will never, it just brought me back into my old patterns of Okay, staying safe. When my intuition tells me to do something. Oh, no, no, no, I can't do that. I can't do that. Because the uncertainty is just way too much. And my nervous system just can't handle the change. Even though you know, the even though your soul is telling you, you have to make this change. your nervous system is just not on board.

Valerie Friedlander: 7:51

Yeah, so yeah. Okay. Well, that I mean, all of that makes a lot of sense, in that when you were doing something that you think is aligned, and then you have an expectation of what the outcome will be. And it's not that that part of your brain that's designed to protect you that we like to call the inner critic. Yes. goes, Oh, look, see? See, I was right. I was right, that was gonna fail. And, and it's, you know, the self fulfilling prophecy. But it's interesting. So what I'm hearing is that there's, there's a story there, that when it's right, it would be so loud, that you couldn't ignore it, that it would drown out the inner critic. So the inner critic just would have to take a backseat because it was just such a the right thing. And then there's a lot of stuff around that, like people telling these stories about like I just knew, and then it all worked out. And like we we create these fantasies around what it looks like to follow your intuition, when oftentimes, it's it's much messier than that. So it sounds like you got an intuitive hit. And you've followed it, and then it didn't look the way you expected you went. Okay, so I guess that wasn't the right thing, and you've moved back. And so that step forward has become shorter and shorter and shorter, because that nervous system reaction get stronger and stronger. It's like this, like rubber band snaps you back, pulling snaps back. And the further you stretch, the harder that snap back is yes. Because of the desire to stay safe.

Client: 9:41

Yep, exactly. And it's right back where I'm started. Instead of just, you know, it's like your intuition tells you to do something, instead of just sticking with it and seeing it where it leads you and seeing it where it goes. You're like, okay, nothing's happening.

Valerie Friedlander: 9:57

I'm guessing, correct me if I'm wrong, but it's sounds like you also have a very strong value right now around safety.

Client: 10:05

Yes, yeah. And it's I can tell you it's like, deeply rooted with my family and society, people, you know, just the people around me. And it's like, there's this part of their view that wants to break free, but you're just looking around and you're like, Well wait, if I break free, I lose everybody around me lose everything. And part of you is just like, yeah, I'm not willing to gamble on it, even though you're, you know, you're just meant to break out,

Valerie Friedlander: 10:34

That's a very real thing for a lot of people, because we do have these societal expectations, norms that we tend to fit in where we fit in with the community that we're in. I wonder, especially because you mentioned the risk involved with breaking free, what do you believe happens if you break free?

Client: 10:58

Oh, um, I've actually experienced this. So when I am, and I noticed this, like, when I'm on the brink of a breakthrough, or things are changing, when I feel like I'm about to jump into a new, I call it new timeline, but just a new way of being. I feel grief, and sadness, because it's like, a part of me is dying. And what that means is, oh, okay, so I'm going into a different direction, and a part and that part of me is sad and grieving, because I'm losing. Like, it's like you're leaving behind an old way of being. And your part of your personality is like trying so hard to grasp onto it. Because it's like, this is how I used to be, this is how I am and now something's changing. And part of me is like, No, no, no, no, I don't want to let go. And I physically feel the grief and the sadness, because a part of me is dying. I done this, you know, people refer that to like, ego death.

Valerie Friedlander: 12:06

I think there can be that. But there's also definitely grief in transition. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly normal to have some grief in transition. So what it sounds like, we would want to look at is what is truly being lost, or let go of, and what is assumed loss, right? Because there may be some pre emptive grief. Oh, yeah, yeah, yes. Especially if that voice that self doubt, voice is strong. self doubt isn't necessarily bad. It's about calling your attention to look that there may be something here, right. But if we just believe that, okay, there is something here, it's like crossing the street, you come to a crossroads, and you're going across the street. And it's like, there's a caution sign. But if you think the caution sign is a stop sign, or do not enter sign, then you're not going to go forward. Whereas if it was a caution sign, that would just mean, there's potential danger, there could be falling rocks here, there could be a car coming through, maybe they don't have a stop sign, you know, whatever it is, there's something to look for, rather than Don't go. So discerning the difference between what is real that needs navigating because if there could be falling rocks, then you might take a different approach to that. Or maybe you would go straight over or, like you would you would navigate that versus the stop sign that says, okay, we just stay on this side of the street. So how clear Are you on what you would actually have to let go of to follow your intuition?

Client: 14:01

Um, that's a really good question. And it's something that I've been struggling but it always comes down to fear. And actually, this just came to me is that it actually does does come down to fear of stepping into like, well, what is it gonna look like, you know, if I take this step, pardon me, we'll just want to see the whole thing and be like, Okay, I see the whole outcome. I see the whole picture. Okay, now I'm going to but you know, where's the excitement and all that because that could be kind of boring. Oh, certainly. Sound safer, but sorry. Yeah, exactly. Right. Sound safer. Again. It's always it's like playing it safe. I know that that's still like embedded in me. But how do I explain this? Sometimes it's, I don't know, the maybe the bigger the purpose or the path that one could see. The bigger the, I don't know, the intense feelings of fear.

Valerie Friedlander: 14:53

Mm hmm. We often think about fear of failure, but there's fear of success too. Yeah. Because fear of success is usually that fear that I will achieve what I want, and it won't be what I wanted. Right? I will somehow have screwed it up. Yeah. And with the self trust struggle, that makes sense that that would be there.

Client: 15:18

Yeah. And whatever the purpose or mission is, there's that perception like I'm going to screw it up. No, you can't screw this just came to me. Like you can't screw it up. There's no way you can screw it up. I just got I just got it. Was that the answer? I just realized it's so funny, cuz I just realized I'm like, I can't screw it up. I really can't. So no matter whatever steps I take, I can't really screw it up. Because everything always it's[laughter]

Valerie Friedlander: 15:53

Still there's cognitively getting that.

Client: 15:55

Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 15:56

And then there's afirming that with action.

Client: 16:00

Yes. I'm sorry. I'm laughing because it's true. That's the truth. I laugh because it's the truth. intellectually, yes. It's different to understand it versus actually affirming and feeling that within yourself.

Valerie Friedlander: 16:14

And your nervous system hasn't learned that yet.

Client: 16:17

No.

Valerie Friedlander: 16:18

Because your nervous system is biologically wired to protect you from danger. And pain exists in both physical and emotional, and they are triggered in the same part of the brain. So we don't really differentiate between. I mean, they're like minute differences that help us know whether it's physical or emotional. But we don't necessarily recognize that in terms of how your brain will look for what's wrong. So it's starting to rebuild a trust with yourself.

Client: 16:53

Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 16:53

We affirm that you can't screw up. So then, rather than looking and going, Oh, see, I was right. That didn't go the way I expected it to. So that was wrong. going. Okay. That's one reality. Right? What might a different reality be? And I wonder, you've mentioned purpose? How clear are you on the purpose of what you're feeling called to do?

Client: 17:21

I'm very, very clear. And you know, I think like, my mind is like, kind of getting in on this and saying, Okay, well, how are you going to run your business? And how are you going to do this? How are you going to do that? instead of like, just getting quiet and figuring out? Okay, what's the first step?

Valerie Friedlander: 17:37

You just made a very important distinction, and I want to bring your attention to it.

Client: 17:42

Oh okay.

Valerie Friedlander: 17:43

Just in case you didn't notice. The first thing you said was, how am I gonna? And then there's all this overwhelm, and like, all of the things and that, instead of going, what's the next step? What would feel aligned? Those questions are key. How questions create overwhelm. What questions help you expand and see possibilities.

Client: 18:09

Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 18:10

So even just asking a different question. When you notice yourself going, how, how, how, how, how, yeah, pause and say, How can I reframe this, especially as a coach, you know, how? Alright, we want to ask a how question, how can I reframe this? What is the question here? So I wonder if you were living in your purpose. If you were showing up, you were trusting your intuition. You were taking action aligned with your purpose? What would be true about how you are showing up?

Client: 18:45

Oh, um, well, for one, I would be more. How do I how do I describe it? It's like coming home. Where do you feel that in your body? Oh, actually. I can tell you right now, I don't feel at home. I'm not saying I don't feel at home in my body. I don't feel at home. Um, something feels off. Let's put it that way. And it's funny because I I've been trying to figure out like, what feels at home and what doesn't feel like home? Let's just say for instance, you know, if I go to a particular place, and I feel like, Oh, this feels like home, and then I'll go to another place like, No, not really. And I don't feel like myself right now.

Valerie Friedlander: 19:29

Mm hmm. What does feeling like yourself feel like?

Client: 19:33

I'm I feel at peace. And I feel like I'm in the flow. You know, people say in the zone, or, or people say, is just being in the flow with universe, well, however you want to call it and yeah, I could tell. I could tell you, I'm not in the flow. It's like I'm somebody that I'm not. And I'm like, Here I am presenting myself to the world, but it's not really me.

Valerie Friedlander: 19:58

Hmm. I'd like to invite you To do something a little different if you're willing, yes, yeah, absolutely, yes. Okay. So close your eyes, okay? Take a deep breath in and out. Feel your feet, breathe in through your feet. And imagine that you are at home, you are in flow. You were in the zone, you were living in your purpose. You were doing what you were meant to do. How do you feel in your body?

Client: 20:40

I feel bliss, I feel connected. I feel grounded and center. And it feels good.

Valerie Friedlander: 20:52

Where do you feel it in your body.

Client: 20:54

I feel it in my heart.

Valerie Friedlander: 20:57

So, take another deep breath in and out. Really feel that space, allow it to expand. Sit with it for a minute. Take one more deep breath in and out. Hold that space and open your eyes. If you were to carry that forward, what would be the next thing that you would do?

Client: 21:34

Next thing I would do? I would actually I would ask, I would ask my soul higher self guides. What is the next step? What action? Would you want me to take?

Valerie Friedlander: 21:46

What do you know is true about you? When you are in that space?

Client: 21:52

I am I am unlimited.

Valerie Friedlander: 21:56

What does that mean to you? To me. I... everything is possible. I'm eternal. I'm not my thoughts, and not my fears. So you know, it's the human experience. How do you show up? When you are in this space?

Client: 22:14

I'm peaceful.

Valerie Friedlander: 22:17

What does that look like when you are interacting with your life?

Client: 22:21

I'm clear. I'm clear. I'm just that clarity. It's just moving you with ease and flow and grace and fluid.

Valerie Friedlander: 22:34

Mm hmm. Okay. So there is your obstacle right there. Because what's happening is, when you do something, when you reach to do something that is outside of your norm, you are naturally encountering stress, because change is naturally stressful. Yeah, there is natural stress within that. It's going to feel uncomfortable, because it is different. It is going to throw up all the caution signs and the doubt that says, Okay, take a look around. But what's happening, and you correct me if I'm wrong if this doesn't resonate, but what's happening is you hear that? And you tell a story that because this isn't clear. I feel unclear. I don't feel at ease. This doesn't feel like it's flowing, it feels hard. That means this must be wrong. Yes. So so it's that story, that when you strive to do something different. And outside of that comfort zone, the push of the comfort zone triggers the Oh, I must be doing something wrong. So when you feel the push of the comfort zone, and you're stepping into something that is that is new, that is different, that may not look the way you expect it to. What would it look like to embrace fluidity when that unexpected thing happens?

Client: 24:11

Can you repeat that question again?

Valerie Friedlander: 24:12

Yeah. So you mentioned the idea of being fluid.

Client: 24:14

Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 24:15

Fluid is, you know, the flow of fluid. Water.

Client: 24:18

Yes.

Valerie Friedlander: 24:19

Right? So what you're encountering is a is like a rock in the pathway.

Client: 24:26

Yeah, that's funny, because I was just watching a creek and just watching the water flow around. Yes.

Valerie Friedlander: 24:33

So what your imagination is, is that if you are in touch with your intuition, you're living in your purpose. There will be no rocks. But there are rocks.

Client: 24:43

Right.

Valerie Friedlander: 24:44

There, there are rocks. There just are because we you know, human.

Client: 24:48

Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 24:48

So if you were to be at home with yourself, in touch with that heart space, and you've stretched that comfort zone, there's stress there. It's different, it's new, it's unpredictable, it's uncertain, it doesn't look the way you are expecting it to, what would being fluid look like in that situation?

Client: 25:12

Oh, my perception would be different. My perception of challenges or obstacles would be different. And what would it be, I think would be more of opportunities for growth. And they're there for a purpose to help me grow and evolve. And to not see it as an enemy. But as part of the path. That's why I'm saying you can't screw this up. Just realize you can't screw this up. Because, yes, there are going to be obstacles. Yes, there are going to be challenges, but that goes along with living your purpose, being on your path, whatever, you know, whatever. And changing that mindset instead of like, damn it, I am I like, instead of just resisting it, is to see it in a different way. You know, because your soul sees things in a different light. Well, then, it's like, Okay, well, maybe I can shift that perspective to see through the eyes of my soul and not perceive this as danger danger, Will Robinson!

Valerie Friedlander: 26:13

And how does your soul see you?

Client: 26:19

Worthy, whole, complete, love, joy.

Valerie Friedlander: 26:23

If you're whole, complete, and worthy? How able are you, on a scale of one being not at all to 10 Being 100%, how able are you to navigate obstacles that come your way?

Client: 26:39

I would say? Probably about seven or eight.

Valerie Friedlander: 26:43

Okay. What makes it a seven or an eight?

Client: 26:46

I think it's that there is a part of me that still feels like, Am I really deserving of this? Like, who am I to be more than, than what I've done? Like, you know, like, if my soul is asking me to do something, I'd be like, really? Like, really? Am I equipped for this? And am I qualified? And my enough, you know, it's going down deep into that worthiness?

Valerie Friedlander: 27:12

Yeah.

Client: 27:12

Am I worthy to do this? Whatever I'm called to do? Yes. Yeah, that's another thing.

Valerie Friedlander: 27:18

Yeah. So that is probably yes. Gonna be the thing to really dig into, as you go along to notice. Because how worthy does your soul believe you are?

Client: 27:31

Oh, like, 100%?

Valerie Friedlander: 27:33

Okay. If you were really trusted that

Client: 27:36

Yes.

Valerie Friedlander: 27:38

Then you would know that whatever was in your path was there to help you, even if it didn't feel like it.

Client: 27:46

Right.

Valerie Friedlander: 27:47

And yeah, tears or water too. Just saying. So, what will help you remember that those things that don't go as planned are opportunities?

Client: 28:06

Um, I would see it as, okay, it didn't work out. Because there is either a lesson or there's something better. Like, there's always something that, you know, they say, there's a reason for everything. And I, I totally believe in it. So when things don't work out for me, is because either there is a lesson for me to learn, or to there's something better. And the funny thing is, it's always the case, and I ended yet I still still see it as like, all my gosh, why did I not see this in the first place? You know, it's one of those hindsight like, Well, why didn't I do this before?

Valerie Friedlander: 28:48

So I would like to offer a slight shift in that if you're open to it.

Client: 28:57

Yeah, definitely.

Valerie Friedlander: 28:58

Rather than seeing it as it's happened, for a reason that you get to make it have a reason.

Client: 29:08

Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, that's a good point.

Valerie Friedlander: 29:11

So rather than it didn't go the way that you wanted it to, or it didn't go, it didn't work out. Right, though the phrase it didn't work out, shifting that to that did not go as expected. What do I want to take from this? What is the opportunity for me to grow?

Client: 29:34

That's a good one. That's actually a really good way to shift that.

Valerie Friedlander: 29:38

That shifts the power of it. Yes, yes. Because otherwise the power is in the thing. The thing has the power, whatever happened has the power. And that triggers that sense of being a victim.

Client: 29:53

Yes. That's a good point. Yes, yes, yes.

Valerie Friedlander: 29:57

Which will reaffirm the inner critic voice.

Client: 30:00

Yes. Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 30:04

So shifting that to what do I want to do with this?

Client: 30:08

Yeah. Oh, yes. That's That's a good one. That's good. Oh, that's good.

Valerie Friedlander: 30:13

Okay, so taking away from this conversation, what is the number one takeaway for you from this?

Client: 30:24

Well, one is, I can't screw this up, actually. And two is shifting my perception of, you know, the obstacles or things or when things don't go right, or they didn't go as planned. And to take that power back, and to say, what can I take away from all of this? And can I change this? And how can I change it? Or what's the, you know, just,

Valerie Friedlander: 30:49

What would water do in this situation?

Client: 30:51

What would What? What would water? Water do? Well, would oh my gosh, does like well with water do? Yes. Yeah, that is Oh, my gosh, this like, really? That really? Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 31:04

So, think of one one obstacle, one thing that you've been looking at that feels like an obstacle for you, that's that blocked you that you were you were maybe you were thinking about doing at one, just something that felt like it was stopping you. What action would water take in regards to that thing?

Client: 31:24

Um, either accept it and flow with it, or make a decision and do something about it? You know, there's options. I'm not truly stuck. My mind just thinks I'm stuck. But it's really like, what are you going to do? You're going to just flow with it, you're going to go with the flow? Or are you going to go in another direction? Or change it and go into another direction? I mean, it's, I wouldn't say simple.

Valerie Friedlander: 31:48

No, it's not usually simple.

Client: 31:51

No, it's never simple

Valerie Friedlander: 31:53

If it was, we will probably wouldn't be having this conversation.

Client: 31:57

But there are choices, no choice like taking that power. Yeah. It's like taking that power back from whatever my obstacle that I seem like, okay, you know, take it back. All right, what am I gonna do about it?

Valerie Friedlander: 32:09

What's one thing that you will do after this call to reaffirm that belief?

Client: 32:16

And this is gonna be a baby step? Because you know, that it's not gonna change, like an instant, but

Valerie Friedlander: 32:21

Oh, yeah, we want stretching, not tearing. I'm all about comfort zone stretching, not comfort zone tearing. And that's, I mean, that's the big thing with in all of this is because there's the story there, recognizing that the story plays about when it feels uncomfortable, when it feels when when your nervous system feels like, oh, there's danger here and goes into alert mode to be able to pause and go Okay, what, what is the opportunity here? What am I actually afraid of? And rather than stopping? Know it's a pause. And then you have a choice as to what you do with that, and where you flow? Yeah. So doing that, that's going to take just practice. And you may, you may flow backwards a couple times, and then go, Oh, I will go forwards. You know, like, there may be some, some wiggling there. But it's going to take action, because only action starts to retrain that yes, automatic response and conscious action. So going, Okay, I know. And this is the step. So that action, what's one action that you will take to start affirming the new belief and building that trust in your ability to flow?

Client: 33:44

Um, so I think my first action would be an even if it's just a baby step is, instead of making like, one big, humongous change, is to carve out time during my night or day, and to start my business, whether it's talking to somebody about it, whether it's doing research, writing it all down, I think that would be like the most common thing I could do for my nervous system instead of like, okay, starting tomorrow, I'm starting my own business. And you my nervous system is just like, yeah. What are you doing? You know, my nervous system needs some, like, soothing. So things like that, even if it's just writing things down. And I think that's one step to just, you know, kind of pivot and just kind of like, Okay, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna carve out time, even if it's like 10 minutes, but I think that's better than rather than trying to figure it all out.

Valerie Friedlander: 34:45

Okay. So 10 minutes...

Client: 34:48

10 minutes.

Valerie Friedlander: 34:49

How often?

Client: 34:49

Every day. Yeah, it's carving out ten minutes. I have 10 minutes in my day, okay, or at night or right, but

Valerie Friedlander: 34:55

How reasonable is that?

Client: 34:56

That is reasonable.

Valerie Friedlander: 34:57

Okay. What will stop you from doing that?

Client: 34:59

Nothing.

Valerie Friedlander: 35:00

Okay, cool. So 10 minutes, and a great place to start talking. I heard you say talk with people about it, share about it share what you're what you're thinking about. It's great place to start. Also visioning not just what the purpose is, like what you want to create in the world, but But what is the container of your business? What What does it look like to be in your business to work? Like, the little bits, like create a picture, and it can change, but it gives you It gives you a place to start? Yeah, in terms of, well, I want to as a coach, I mean, there's so many options. I want to work with groups, I want to do workshops, I want to work one to one. What does a business feel like to you? How much time do you spend in it? What you know, what, what are the activities that you do in that business? And even doing some research? What could that look like? Well, it could look like meeting people in person, it could look like an online business, it could look like I mean, the sky's the limit.

Client: 36:04

Yeah, exactly.

Valerie Friedlander: 36:04

So giving yourself a bit of a container around where you want to start, like, where do you feel that calling to interact? What lights you up? Is it working with people one to one? What topics what what kinds of people? Okay, what are the people like? What are they struggling with? I mean, and it could be again, some people like to niche down and focus on one thing, some people like to work on certain types of things like it really, it's, it can be whatever, but doing some journaling about it. And then just imagining

Client: 36:41

Yes.

Valerie Friedlander: 36:41

Can help you create, because when you mentioned Unlimited, and yes, this podcast is called unlimited. can be overwhelming.

Client: 36:51

Yes. Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 36:52

So grounding the ideas into a more tangible space that puts a little bit of a container around it. So that it feels actionable. Instead of just like, it's so big.

Client: 37:07

It's Yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Definitely.

Valerie Friedlander: 37:13

Okay.

Client: 37:14

That's That's good.

Valerie Friedlander: 37:15

Awesome. All right. So,

Client: 37:17

That was like, Oh my gosh,

Valerie Friedlander: 37:18

Yay. Well, I'm excited to hear how that progresses for you.

Client: 37:23

Yeah, it's definitely I'll let you I'll let you know.

Valerie Friedlander: 37:25

Please do.

Client: 37:26

That was that was really, really good. That's really good. A lot of aha moments like, like, oh my god.

Valerie Friedlander: 37:35

Yay.

Client: 37:36

Yay. Thank you. So much, my soul sister. Yes. Thank you.

Valerie Friedlander: 37:40

Thanks for listening. I so appreciate you being here. If you got something out of today's episode, please share it. Leave me a review. Take a screenshot and post it on social with a shout out to me, send it to a friend or you know, all of the above. Want to hang out more join me on Instagram. Or better yet, get on my mailing list to make sure you don't miss out on anything. Remember, your possibilities are as unlimited as you are. Allow yourself to shine my friend. The world needs your light. See you next time.