Flexible Routines for Real Life: Reduce Overwhelm and Improve Alignment

Flexible routines for real life don’t come from a one-size-fits-all approach — no matter what the countless books and “success” formulas claim. Everyone’s life, capacity, and circumstances are different, and we all need space to account for how both direct and indirect events impact our time, energy, and priorities. Prescriptive systems that ignore this reality dismiss our lived experiences and fuel self-doubt. Instead of forcing yourself into someone else’s mold, you deserve routines that honor your humanity, support your energy, and meet you where you are. What works for you today might not work next month, and that’s okay. Structure and flexibility both have a role in building a system that works for you.

In this replay episode, I explore how to create flexible routines for real life that still incorporate structure but in a way that allows you to adapt when life shifts without losing yourself in the process.

Some of what I’ll cover in this episode includes:

• How to bake flexibility into your plans
• Determining routines that support you
• Meeting yourself where you’re at in creating new habits
• Understanding the relationship between time and energy
• Exercises to assess where you’re spending your energy

If you’ve been feeling stretched thin, scattered, or drained, this conversation will help you design a daily rhythm that supports you — not just your to-do list.

LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Episode 7 – Can I Make Plans Yet
Reclaim Your Routine Workshop Series

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This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching

Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective

Transcript

Valerie Friedlander: 0:00

Hello, my friends and welcome to a replay episode of Mindset, unlimited. Mindset tips, tools and inspiration for women in a time of change. I'm your host. Valerie Friedlander, ICF certified coach, sociologist, intersectional feminist, truth seeker, artist, mom and nerd. Today we are talking about flexible routines for real life. This is to help you shift your schedule from a space of overwhelm to alignment. And I wanted to talk about this now because it's come up for a variety of reasons. Before I do share a little bit about what that is, I want to highlight that this is a replay of my season one episode creating your ideal day your way, which I also replayed in season three, two years ago, as how to create a schedule that works for you. I'm bringing this back again for a couple reasons, one, that's very personal, and the other, because I think this is a really, really tough time right now. There is a lot going on, and so it feels a little bit weird to talk about schedules, and we are creatures of habit, so we need supports for ourselves as we navigate uncertainty, as we navigate a very upsetting political dynamic and world dynamic. There's so many things happening right now. It's overwhelming, it's emotionally exhausting, and it's very easy for our stress response to take over and us to fall into our usual way of doing things, when things are really just not usual, and they need to be treated as not usual. But what does that mean? And how do I do that, and how do I still function in the world at the same time? So that's a big reason why this came up. I'll share a little bit about the personal reason. One being, and there are a couple actually personal reasons. One is, my younger son is trying to find a schedule that works for him now that camp is done and school hasn't started yet, and he's trying to be more mindful about his screen time. We've talked a lot about it, and he started noticing, I think, the maturity level upped a little bit. You know, those times, for those of you who are parents, you can kind of tell where it's like, oh, we hit this maturity level, and there's a more self awareness here, or whatever. So he started noticing that there was a difference for him, when he was on the screen more often. So he was trying to put himself schedule together. He has ADHD we've been working on this and really trying to allow him space to figure things out. And we were talking a lot about, hey, so you tried something, it didn't work the way that you thought it would. So now we adjust. And we were talking about these sorts of things, and it reminded me of this episode. So that's one another. One is that, well, I wasn't planning on doing a replay episode, but frankly, there's just a lot going on emotionally in my life, as well as logistically. We're about to start school. My older son's going to high school. There are all these paper things. You know how when the kids go to school, then suddenly, like you get all the homework, at least as they get started. So navigating all of that. We were working on some stuff with the house, and we have old house, Chicago bungalow house, and you start a project, and you think, you know, and then it's gonna take at least twice as long as you thought it was. Thought it was simple, not so simple, that sort of thing you know, plaster walls, for those of you who know so. So there's that. And then I also recently got some news about some illness in my close family. So that's been taking an attention but also emotional toll, and it's one I'm happy to pay, not because I'm happy about the diagnosis, but because it's important to me to make room for my family and these things that need my care and also need my own nurturing as I navigate that. So with all of these things going on against the backdrop of authoritarianism and death of democracy, and all of those other awful things happening in the world, in this country, etc, etc, it's just, it's just a lot. So I was trying, was hustling, was pushing, to try and get a new episode out. And I went, Wait a second, Valerie, why don't you listen to yourself, take a page out of your own book and pause and see what you really need. And then I thought about this episode. I'm like, Well, maybe it's. Somebody else needs this too, because I sure did so in a society that is always pushing us to go faster and do more and take on more, and you can do it and push and push and push. I want to invite you to slow down, and I want to invite you to pause and check in and find an adjustment that actually meets you and honors you where you are and what you need. There is no one size fits all routine. There's not even a one size fits you all the time routine and the how successful people start their day. Advice is built on a false idea that we all have the same 24 hours a day and can get the same amount of done if we just do it right. And as I have said before, and I will continue saying that is a load of crap. It is not true. Energy and time are all tied together. All of our resources are tied together, and I'm not interested in dehumanizing myself or you. Our worth is more than our productivity, and it's important that we honor who we are and not push ourselves into unrealistic expectations, even if, when we set them, we didn't realize they were unrealistic. We gotta meet ourselves where we're at. And so I'm inviting you to step outside of this pattern, if you have it like I have, of beating yourself up for not working out the way that you wanted. We're not puncturing our own tires. We're gonna slow down. We're not gonna should all over ourselves. We're not going to should on ourselves for shitting on ourselves. We want to step into our own power, and that means, again, checking in, pulling in, and finding what fits. So this episode is all about helping you find what fits, so that no matter what life throws at you, you have systems in place support systems in place to help you show up as the version of yourself that you want to be, and that's going to look different every day. And it's not only based off of you, it's also based off of your systems, our systems, and so knowing that those things have an impact and making room for it. So some of what you'll hear in this episode includes how to bake flexibility into your plans, determining routines that support you, meeting yourself where you're at, and creating new habits, understanding the relationship between time and energy, and exercises to assist you when you're trying to figure out where you're spending your energy. So that was a lot, but I really I like to give you a new intro when I do a replay, so that you're getting something a little bit fresh and new. And if you don't need this, the rest of this, because you're like, I already listened to this, and I've totally assimilated it, and it's all good, cool. Thanks for stopping by. But if you do, I hope you'll continue listening. And if you're like, No, I need more. I need more. I am getting ready to kick off my reclaim your routine program again for this fall. I have not set the dates or anything like that yet, but that will be coming. And so there is a link in the show notes to a sign up where you can sign up for the wait list, for interest, so that once I have all the details together, you'll get it and of course, if you're listening to this a little bit later, all the details will be there too. So keep your eye on that sign up if you're interested. So and it's no obligation if you sign up with interest, it's just that you'll get a notification from me for sure that, hey, here's all the details. So if you know you want that, go check it out. It is a live three part workshop that we work together to build the foundation of your routine, create your routine and troubleshoot it so that it actually works for you, and this is a routine that has that flexibility built in, so it's actually supportive. It's not rigid, it's supportive. So there's a little give, there's a little snug hold, wiggle, whatever. I don't know, I can't think of the words Anyway, like I said, it's, it's been a lot recently, so all that's in the show notes. I hope that you'll check it out and now, without further ado, let's get started. I know a lot of people talk about structuring your. Day, there are tons of books, tons of books about setting yourself up for success with a particular morning routine, or structuring your day in a particular way rhymes. So that's there's like, a lot of information out there, I'm not a subscriber to any particular way to set yourself up like I don't say you need to get up in the morning if you're not into mornings, and that would throw you way off your normal habits and routines that you already have in place doing that can actually set you up for failure. And I don't say that because, like, you can't do that or it isn't helpful. I think it can be there are certain things that are absolutely can be really awesome for the way you structure your brain and all of that. But when you have factors in your life that tend to throw you curveballs a lot children, it can be a little bit tricky. And I've gotten this from a lot of clients who have been like, I tried to get up early because I thought this would be helpful. Like, I think best in the morning, so I'm going to get up early, and then my kid got up early every time I try and start this new thing. Something happens. Kids home sick, day off of school, whatever it is, things happen. And I think that's important to recognize that life happens. What is it? I think it was John Lennon who said life, so what happens when you're making other plans? Now does that mean that you should not make plans? No, it does not mean that. It means that it is important to have a system for being flexible built into your plans. And a lot of times people talk about a plan if you've ever looked at anything plan related, and what we can dive in a little bit to these pieces. But there's the goal, which is the the big thing that you want to accomplish at the end doing, maybe it's like losing 10 pounds, right? That's the goal. The goal is to lose 10 pounds, and then you're going to have your strategy. So your your strategy is to exercise. That's going to be the strategy. Overall strategy is to exercise. And then you have your tactics, which are like your habits, your daily habits. So I'm going to go for a mile walk every day, or every other day, or whatever it is. So you set up that habit. Now, the fourth component that I don't hear talked about often enough, because it is the core component. It is something that's so helpful, especially when you have things that happen in life. And maybe it's not children, maybe it's a pet, maybe it is a job that is a little bit unpredictable. Whatever tends to happen in your life that you maybe didn't expect or get gets you pulled away from what you want to accomplish. Being able to have flexibility within that structure is really important, so that you don't get derailed from that structure. The other part of it is that you're not creating something that is too far away from what your current norms are. This is the other thing that happens a lot, is that people say, Okay, I want to accomplish this thing, but they create a structure set themselves up with habits that are so far away from what they normally do that they set themselves up for failure instead of success, because it push it stretches them too far out of their comfort zone, out of their norms, out of their current routines. Because we all have current routines, things that we do that maybe we don't think about why we do them, or they just are easy now, because that's just what we do. So say you're not a morning person, and I tend to be like around when we put ourselves into boxes like morning person, night person, but perhaps you're someone who tends to prefer to sleep in in your current time. Maybe that'll change, but right now, you are more of a someone who stays up late and wakes up late. Perhaps that is you then saying that you're going to get up early to exercise, and you aren't exercising at all. Now that's going to be a lot harder for you to make that shift, because you're adding two components, two or more components, into the changes that you're going to make. So instead of going up one step, you're going up two. To three steps, which can be much more challenging, and when it is harder to do, it makes it much easier for any stressors, any changes, any surprises that happen in life to knock you off. Doing that when it comes to creating a plan, knowing what you want is going to be the very first thing. So when you when I and when I say what you want, I'm talking about how do you want to feel. So the three questions that I always ask people when we get started, we want to get a grounding, and these questions, the answers to these questions may change, but it's, how do you want to feel? How do you want to experience life? So that's the inner part. How do you want to feel on the inside and experience life? How do you want to show up? So that's the way you act in the way you engage life, and what impact do you want to make that is, how do you want to be received? Like, what's the ripple effect of that? And they all play together. They're all related. But when you can identify those three questions and really answer those questions, that sets a groundwork, like the foundational parts for creating a plan and creating an ideal day. So when you are creating a plan, you might look at that goal that you want and how you'll feel when you achieve that goal, and that can help you identify how do you want to experience life? Because usually we want things because of the way we think we'll feel when we have them, the way we think we'll experience life when we have them. The thing is that when we think that we are only going to experience life once that thing happens, it moves our power outside of ourselves, because you can't control outside of you. You can only control yourself. So as soon as it's like, well, I can't feel that way, until this happens, then you can't feel that way, because you're always going to be chasing because that feeling is outside of you. So you want to be able to bring it inward. What would I do if I felt that way, if I already felt that way, and you may not already feel that way, and that's okay, but if I did right, if I already felt that way, what would I do? And this is actually how I recommend setting up those, those plans, those strategies, overall, so your your goal, because you may find that when you get that goal, it didn't actually create the feeling you wanted, right? It's that idea of chasing happiness, like, oh, once she realized that her happiness was inside of herself, then, because maybe you get that thing, but if that thing was thought to hold your happiness, it actually doesn't, because it's inside, so you're always going to be chasing it. So knowing that how you want to feel, then you can create the habits and the plan to be aligned with the feeling you want to have, which makes it easier to follow through on the things you say you want to do. So So going back to that idea of losing 10 pounds, right? And it could be making $10,000 i whatever goal you want to put in there. And actually, if you have a goal that you are wanting to achieve, that you have in mind, that you're actively working towards, I would love to hear it. So drop me a message and let me know what that is. Is, I always love hearing what people are striving for, because that's exciting. And so it's not to say don't have something that you don't have yet, like, just be happy where you are. Just find contentment here. No, it's about taking action that's in alignment with the feeling you want to have. And that's like, you know, if you imagine a donkey with a carrot dangling in front of it, if the carrot is always dangling in front of it, and it never gets that carrot, it's going to eventually die of starvation. So if you can find ways to munch the carrot while you walk along like while you also have a carrot in front of you. So you have that motivation to take action, because it's an inner motivation, instead of an external motivation, solely right that this, this thing that you want to have, you're creating an alignment with it. So you're gonna you want to lose the 10 pounds. Why do you want to lose the 10 pounds? Well, I want to feel strong and confident in my body. Okay, cool. Maybe you want to make the$10,000 so that you can feel secure and able to do what you are passionate about. So you want to feel secure and passionate. Okay? Okay, so what would you do? What actions would you take if you already felt that way? So this is how you build an alignment with those things. So if you and I've seen this before with clients, where they built something where they're like, Oh, I'm gonna go jogging every other day till I lose 10 pounds. Well, if you don't like to jog, and it emphasizes how you don't feel strong because you're always out of breath and you feel down about yourself when you're done jogging, then that's not going to be something you're going to sustain. You're not going to keep doing it. But if you're like, Oh, well, I want to feel strong and confident my body. And if I felt strong and confident in my body, I would do stretching and then work with somebody to find exercises that build my capacity. So maybe instead of jogging, I'm going to walk for a mile, or I'm going to go swim, because I love being in the water, and I'm going to build up some of that strength. I'm going to start connecting to my body. I'm going to say affirmations in the mirror every day to encourage myself, instead of like beating yourself and whipping yourself to do the thing to get where you think you will feel strong and confident in your body. No, build the strong and confident in the now. Every stepping stone that moves you closer to that thing that you want, if it's built in alignment, then you're more likely to get there. You're more likely to keep going. It's more likely to be sustainable, okay? And when something happens like a curve ball. So say you've decided to go walk every day for half an hour, and it's pouring so you can't go walk. Instead of going up, I can't walk. You're like, No, I love this body. I feel strong and confident. So I'm going to do a yoga video like or I'm going to, I'm going to give it some really tasty food and give it a pat on the back for the amount of work it's already done for me, or whatever. You're going to still continue that connection, continue that work, because you're, you're checking in with the actual goal, the thing that you actually want. So how does this pertain to creating your ideal day? I don't subscribe to those hard, structured days, as I mentioned, like the the this is the miracle way of doing things, so that you are set up for success. What I say is to start with how you want to experience your life. How do you want to experience your day, and what helps you do that? What are those core things that help you show up that way. So maybe it is I want to be centered. We can't be calm all the time. That's unrealistic, but maybe I want to be calm overall. I want to be calm, so calm and centered, present. Like, what would that do for me? Well, I'd be present. I would be focused. Okay, so what helps me be most focused? Well, if I get up first thing in the morning and meditate, that's awesome. I love getting up and meditating and going for a walk. So that was my routine for a while before covid hit. Is like, get up, I would walk with my kids to the train, and I would sit by the lake and meditate. That's been a lot harder since covid. Actually, I was gave this analogy the other day, like, I kind of feel like when covid hit, it was like this tornado came and picked up all of my life papers and threw them in the air and swirled them around. And I was kind of living like I was grabbing at the papers and, you know, putting out fires all the time. It was just like, what's in front of me? Do the next thing. Do the next thing. And in a lot of ways, you know, that's survival mode that can be helpful, like we need to go through that when a crisis happens, when a trauma occurs, that's a normal response. What I realized is that we've actually settled like we have some routines, but they weren't consciously chosen routines in a lot of ways. They were just automatic, like, based on putting out the fires, and I'm still acting like I'm putting out fires all the time. So instead of going, Oh, the papers have actually settled on the ground and maybe a breeze moves them around a little bit, I'm still acting like they're all over the place and I'm just grabbing here and there instead of going, Okay, let's gather the papers up and take a look at them and decide what ones I want to let go of, and what ones I might want to add, and what papers I actually have here right now and all of that, being able to take a moment to go, how do I want to. Experience my day. Well, I want to be calm and centered. This is what I did previously, and it it worked well. I liked it. It brought me to my center and started my day off nicely. Well, maybe that doesn't work as well anymore, but I could get up in the morning and take a deep breath before I pick up my phone or look at, you know, like get woken up by the kids, or just jump up and start cooking breakfast or whatever it is, pause. I wake up in the morning, and I pause, and I take a deep breath. I feel my feet on the floor. And maybe it's not a 15 minute meditation. Maybe it's just a getting present, getting in my body, being here. And instead of getting exercise the way I was used to, because the time structure for that doesn't work as well, I stretch and I just get, you know, like it's part of getting in my body, getting present, being here in the now, and that's where I start. And maybe the next thing is I want to be centered and focused while it's identifying the things that I want to accomplish in that day. Maybe it's just one primary thing, because my time is switched. I don't have enough focused time. And there I said the thing, I don't have enough. It feels like that a lot, but this is where you get to define enough. Well, what is enough? I don't have as much as I would. Like my kids need more attention than I am used to having to give them. I would much prefer them to be in school, and that's okay. I have emotions about that I'm not like I'm not loving that I'm I've never been someone who wanted to be a stay at home mom. I really like my kids being able to go off to other people who I know and trust to take care of them and support them in their growth. But that's not an option right now, so I may need to take some time to grieve. That I definitely have taken a lot of time to grieve, that I hope that you're taking time to grieve the things and reminder that grief is not linear, so it can pop up here and there in interesting ways. So being aware of that and able to give space to that, because that's another piece of being flexible. Sometimes we get triggered by something, something happens that triggers emotional response in us, and rather than going Nope, can't feel that. Don't have time for it, if you've baked in some flexibility into your schedule, you can give yourself space for that, because by structuring your day in a way where you have clarity over what you want, not just in the activities, but in the being and the experiencing of then, anytime something comes up, you can assess accordingly and go, How does this fit in this? How does this relate to what I said I wanted, maybe it's too disruptive. And and you say that's going to need to be a different day. I'm going to say no to that, because it does not fit in the space. It's going to pull me out of what I want my day to be like. Or maybe it's something that okay, it's it's strong enough value, like with my kids, my value of family is really high. Maybe I say yes to that. And notice I didn't say, but I said, and I almost said, but yes, and I'm going to give myself a little extra space for this, or I'm going to move this thing so that I know that it's not off the table. I didn't just ignore the thing for me or the thing for something else that's important to me, another value that I have. I didn't just go, Well, that doesn't matter. I said I'm going to specifically say this is going to happen. It's not gone. It's still here. And because I replaced it in today with this other thing for my kids, I'm going to make sure it happens here, and I'm going to plan accordingly so that it it for sure does happen. So maybe it's talking to somebody else, or planning to have my kids watch TV so that I have that time. I don't love putting them on screens, but that's where we're at, right? They're getting a lot more screen time. That way you're strategically organizing based on the way you want to experience your day. The reason it helps to have some specific habits that are associated with what you create your day with. So the idea of having certain things you do in the morning to set up your day for success is because our brains like Pat. Patterns, and the more you're using your frontal cortex, the more energy you're using. So especially if you're already stressed, if you already have a lot of things that you're thinking about, you are going to burn more energy. Your brain is burning more energy. So anything that it can send into the more efficient parts of the brain, it will and it wants to do that, and you actually help it by doing that, by saying, Okay, I'm going to set up a routine. Now, when you first start a routine, when you first set up something new, it will take more energy. It is going to take more thought, because it's not in your brains autopilot yet. It's not its norm yet, so it's going to take more attention. So anything that you can simplify to make it easier for you to follow through on those things, the better if you know you have more brain space. Maybe your kids go to bed and you have a little bit more brain space, but you want to be able to do things in the morning, setting aside an outfit to wear for the next day can help, because then that's one thing that your brain doesn't have to do in the morning when you want it for other things, you've already set aside that outfit. You've already made that plan. So this is where, like planning the night before can be helpful, because then you don't have to think in the morning. But if you prefer to do that kind of thinking in the morning and other kinds of thinking in the evening, then you might find it more beneficial to do it in the morning. So this is where it really just depends on you and the way you want to experience your day and what supports you in experiencing your day that way. I love the rhymes, so take a minute and look at those things. Look at like, what are the words that you would use to describe the way you want to experience life the way you want to experience your day. And write those words down. Maybe they tidy values that you have. So maybe write those values down. One exercise that I love, that that I learned, is to write out five values, write out five things that you spend the most time on during your day and connect the dots and see where you're spending your energy. It Are you spending your energy on things that honor values, like clearly honor values, or do you have to kind of do some jumping rope to find how they connect? Because if you are not honoring your top values, maybe you're honoring one and all the others are to the side. You're draining energy because you're not because part of you is is feeling left out, is feeling neglected. And if you are spending time on things that don't attach to values, that don't connect to values, clearly, then perhaps looking at what you could let go of, and maybe it's not something that you feel like you could let go of. It's probably tied to a value, and you didn't realize it, because rarely do we do anything that's not tied to values, but might be a fear based value and not a conscious value, which can also drain your energy. So taking doing that little exercise can be really eye opening to see where's your energy going, because time is energy, how much time you have, and how really relates to how much energy you have, how much time you have relates to how much energy you have. If you have been emotionally triggered, that's going to take more energy, so you're going to have less time. That's just how it is. So knowing that you can make plans accordingly, because sometimes you don't know when you're going to be emotionally triggered. You can't plan that. That's that's one of those life things that happens. So being able to know, I want to be graceful in my experience of life, I want to be loving in my experience of life. Well, that may mean giving yourself that space for caring for yourself when you've had that emotional trigger for sitting down and having an important conversation, to harnessing a teaching moment with a kid instead of going, Ah, you're wasting my time. You're taking up time. You're you know, like that's probably not how you want to show up. So being able to check in and then go, Okay, here's where I'm moving. The other thing and giving yourself space for that. So that brings us to the other idea of you may find that an ideal day. Isn't as helpful as having an ideal week. These are the core things that I like to have in my week. And those may be doings in your week, and then your day is what supports who you're being. Because, you know, we're human beings, not human doings. So being able to say, okay, what are those most important things? What helps me show up and what do I want to try? Maybe you try something and it doesn't work so well. You can do something different. But if you know the goal, if you know the feeling that you want to accomplish, and the way you want to show up, the way you want to experience life and the impact that you want to have, you can check in and go, How well is this experiment working? What would help it work better? What could I do differently that would support this experiment so you can be curious instead of judgy? I always was talking earlier about like, that idea of how, how do I do it? Ah, that becomes overwhelming, whereas a what question, especially if you have a clearly defined experiment, is much more easy to carry out. Now, is it, I say easy? It's not necessarily easy, but it's it's clearer to carry out. And when it's clear, it's easier, because if it's not clear, we usually won't take action on it, because the vagueness of it makes it really hard to hold on to. And this has come up in a couple of the coaching shows, in a couple of the coaching sessions that I've done recently on the podcast. So take a look at that. Another exercise that I find helpful is the what's in my cup. So if you think about all of the things that you have on your plate right now, all the things that are going on in your mind, even not just that you're actively doing, but that you're thinking about, list them all out. So maybe it's something that you're not getting to, but you really wanted to, I really wanted to paint my nails. I haven't done it yet, and every time I look at my hands, I think, dang it, what am I going to get to paint my nails? I don't know that's I'm going with the something simple, but it could be big. It could be this project that you have or a book that you wanted to read, but whatever it is that's on your mind, or maybe it's things that you're doing, so the homeschooling stuff, or doing some filing, or whatever, any of those things, you just write it all out. Write a whole list of all of those things, and then in the next column, go through and say how much energy you spending on it, not the amount of time you're spending, but the amount of energy that you are spending. Because remember, when you are spending energy, you are also spending time. So if you're spending energy thinking about something else while you're working on something, that's that lack of focus, and it's going to take more time to do the thing, because part of your brain is wishing it was doing something else, or thinking about something else, or processing an emotional charge, and you're trying to do something so it would actually be much more loving. Not only, not only efficient, I was that to say efficient, but like, it's not just efficient, it's loving for yourself, which also gives you more energy when you are taking care of yourself, then you have more focus, which means you'll get things done faster. Because the more focus you have, the faster you'll be able to do something so again, it's back to that experience of life, and what supports that giving yourself space to process emotions actually supports your ability to focus, because you need to be able to process that to be able to focus on the other things that you want to do that second column how much energy spending on that third column is, how much energy do you want to be spending on that now, you may find that there is something that, going back to the the book, will say, I want to read this book I am spending on a scale of one to 10. I am spending an eight amount of energy on this book, because I'm constantly thinking about how I need to read it. I really want to be spending a four and just read it. So it's not to say that the amount of energy that you're spending is higher because you want to do it. It's just energetically, where are you? And then the next column is, what would move you one step closer to the shift that you're looking for? So maybe you'll find things that like actually, the energy I'm spending here is, is what. I would like to be spending but there's some I would like to be doing it differently. So write that down. What's one thing you could be doing that's different? So and then we'll do the book. What if the book is, I'm spending a five amount of energy on it, and I want to be spending a five on it, but it's, it's actually showing up. Like, I'm not actually doing the reading of it. I'm just thinking about it. So I don't want to shift that energy from a five. What would it look like if I spent the energy? Like, where? Where else am I taking energy from like, look at the whole list. I want to reduce energy here. So what if I took that reduction and moved it here, so that instead I want to spend less time on my phone? What if I put the book in the bathroom, so instead of being on my phone in the bathroom, I'm reading some of that book, or maybe I don't bring my phone into the bathroom, and then I take that time to grab the book and bring it back into the bathroom to read, because it's the only place people leave me alone. I don't know hashtag mom life, right? So anyway, just this is where, when you actually have a list, and you have an accounting of, like, Where, where are things at? Like, what's going on here, then you can consciously adjust the amounts. Think of it as like, you know you're you're cooking your cauldron, and you're adjusting the amounts that you're putting in, because the the potion does not is not bubbling the way it's supposed to. We went witchy instead of sciencey. So I hope that that is helpful to you as you start to restructure your time a lot of the ways that we've done things, it will be very easy as we shift out of where we've been to go back into what we had done, or even hold on to things that aren't serving us anymore. Like I said, I personally have felt like I'm still acting like all my papers are in the air, and realizing that actually I know I need to pause and acknowledge where they actually are and pick them up and give myself some space to assess them. So I think that the most important thing from this is recognizing that you deserve this space to make decisions. It's really hard to make conscious decisions when you are doing a million things, when you're in the doings, instead of allowing yourself to reconnect with who you're being and what it would take to be the person that you want to be, and recognize that some of those things are things that you don't need to do anymore, they become habits. They're habits of doings, not doings that actually matter to you that actually support what you want, and those may be things that used to be supportive and no longer serve you. That happens a lot there. We change, we grow. Life changes. Life. Life happens, and what served us, maybe before we had kids isn't going to be as supportive once we've had kids, the stuff that was supportive pre covid may not have served us during the stay at home time, and may not be the things that serve us when we go back to being outside and around people again, We may choose to do things differently. So taking some time now to look at what's going on for you and what you want to create is a great time to look at that ideal day, but not in a let me regiment my day, which often sets us up for failure. But what supports me in my day, what is a design that will actually feed me being the person that I want to be, and journeying through life the way I want to journey through life, and doing the things and focusing on the the activities that are most important to me, that have the impact, that make the impact that I want to make, and a lot of times that starts with giving yourself a little bit more space and a little bit more grace. Thank you so much for listening. I hope that this has been helpful to you. If you've had any insights, anything that's jumped out at you, something that you're going to try, or something that you're already doing, that helps you create the day that you want to have, that helps you be the person that you want to be. Drop me a note and let me know what that is I love. Love to hear from you. Absolutely love it. If there's something that you would like me to talk about, that I didn't cover, or that you would like to hear me go further into, or whatever, let me know that you you are welcome to drop me a comment, direct message me. I again. I love your feedback. I love to hear from you. I love to offer what is supportive to you if you are looking for direct support, because this is what I help people with, in checking in and getting clear and going past the places that our brain is used to looking. Because again, we tend to see what we are used to seeing. It's hard to find other options. Sometimes when we haven't had those available, we haven't done that before. We haven't connected those dots. That's one of the gifts that I have, is being able to hear you and connect dots that maybe you weren't seeing as connected, so that you can then take action that helps you move forward in a more loving and efficient and effective way towards the life that you want to have, being the person that you want to be experiencing life the way you want to experience it. That's what I love to do, because you are here for a reason. You are doing something in the world. You want to change. You want to grow. You want to help the world. I want to help you do that. So please reach out if that is something you are looking for. I'm here for

Unknown: 46:30

you, and I will see you all next time. Bye. Thanks

Valerie Friedlander: 46:34

for listening. I so appreciate you being here. If you got something out of today's episode, please share it, leave me a review, take a screenshot and post it on social with a shout out to me, send it to a friend, or, you know, all of the above. Want to hang out more, join me on Instagram, or better yet, get on my mailing list to make sure you don't miss out on anything, and remember your possibilities are as unlimited as you are. Allow yourself to shine, my friend, the world needs your light. See you next time you.