Unlimited

How Do I Find What I Really Want? [coaching]

Season 1 Episode 18

Send me a text!

A single woman in her early 40’s who loves to sing, dance, craft, and cook was contemplating starting a business in performance until the Coronapocolypse began. She’s trying to use this time now for introspection and personal development while also balancing a fulfilling but low paying day job with paying student loans and renovating a house. 

She signed up for this session because she has a history of people pleasing and wanted support to learn how to identify her own wants and needs more quickly and develop new habits that allow self-love and success to thrive in her life.


In this episode of Unlimited, you’ll hear us journey through unlocking what’s kept her from what she really wants and a motivation to take action to achieve it.

Some of what we engage in this episode include:

  • Motivation blocks
  • Self-fulfilling prophecies
  • Celebrating to build confidence
  • Resisting more than “good enough”
  • Building self-worth


This episode is for you if you’ve ever struggled to know what you really wanted beyond what people said you should do or things you were just good at.

Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me!  @unlimitedcoachval
 
 I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
 You can shoot me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com or DM me on Instagram
 
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Valerie Friedlander:

Hello, my friends and welcome to another episode of unlimited. Today I am sharing a recorded coaching session with a single woman in her early 40s, who loves to sing dance craft and cook and was contemplating starting a business and performance until the corona pocalypse began. She is trying to use this time now for introspection and personal development while also balancing a fulfilling but low paying day job with paying student loans and renovating a house. She signed up for this session because she has a history of people pleasing, and wanted support to learn how to identify her own wants and needs more quickly, and develop new habits that allow self love and success to thrive in her life. What you will find in this episode is a journey through unlocking what has kept her from what she really wants, and a motivation to take action to achieve it. A lot of people talk about motivation and struggles with motivation. And that is a big component here one of the core things that often blocks us from motivation. So some of the things that we will engage in this episode are motivation blocks, self fulfilling prophecies, celebrating to build confidence resisting, having more than what is good enough. And building self worth. If you are someone who has done a lot of self work in the past, maybe it's through therapy or group support, or reading books or anything that has helped you get to a space where instead of feeling like a victim of life, you feel like you were able to make lemonade out of the lemons and tolerate the things that come your way have gratitude that you have a life that you can be content in, you're going to appreciate this episode because you know how hard it is that when even when you get to that space, there's a block to like the next layer, sometimes you don't even realize there is another layer. There's this fit what we want into what we think we can have, and kind of get lost in that mix of the shoulds. And the stories and beliefs of who we are that we've internalized. And this episode, this session that I'm sharing with you, we we really get to dig into that, and it's amazing. So I'm really excited to share it with you. Before I do, I do want to remind you that the flow mastery group is open for enrollment. It is an intimate group coaching space. And what I mean by that is only six people per coaching call, I don't let more than that, because I want each person to have individualized time on the call. So you are getting one to one coaching like you hear in these coaching episodes, as well as hearing other people coached. In these groups. We help upgrade your energy GPS, which basically means tap you into the awareness inside of yourself connecting those dots, just like you hear on these episodes, supporting you to take clear, focused action towards your goals. develop sustainable motivation and a resilient mindset as you do that action as you gain that clarity as you go through this process of visioning, strategizing and then taking action and having the accountability and support to unlock What are internal blocks and what are external obstacles. And being able to navigate those external obstacles more smoothly, because you're engaging the internal ones, and connect with other amazing women doing amazing work in the world. This space is for you. If any of that resonated, check out the link to look at what the group has to offer. It's in the show notes and grab a spot on my calendar for a fitting call. In this call, we will talk and see if it's a good fit for you if you're a good fit for the group, if the group is a good fit for you for the support that you're looking for. If it's not, that's okay, we can figure out what would be a good support for you and what you're looking for. And if it is, awesome, I would love to have you join. But again, there are a limited number of spots. So grab a spot on my calendar as soon as possible so we can make sure that one of those spots is yours if this is the group for you. Sound good. All right now, without further ado, let's get started. Hey there, I'm Valerie Friedlander certified life business alignment coach, and this is unlimited. This podcast bridges, the individual and the societal, scientific and spiritual, positive and negative, nerdy, and no, there's just a lot of nerdy. come on board. And let's unlock a light that says badass as you are. So there are a number of places that we can go with the things that you said you were interested in doing work around. At the end of this session, if you were to have a big aha, what would you say had happened?

Client:

Maybe figuring out some of my blocks, and how to move past them.

Valerie Friedlander:

Okay, if we shifted any block, and you may find that it's helpful to focus on the one that holds the most energy for you, what would be different?

Client:

Well, I think they're all interrelated. So I will say that. But if we were able to shift the block, to knowing what I want, like, just figuring out what I want, I think that would open up new ways for me to actually be motivated to go after it, I feel like I've done a lot of things in my life, because other people have told me I should, or that I was good at them. So I, you know, may as well just do something I'm good at. But I'm not sure that I've ever had a whole lot of cognizance of what I actually want. And, you know, some of that is societal like, for years, I thought I wanted to get married. And I'm beginning to understand that I, I may not actually want that. But I thought I wanted it for so long, because that was something I was supposed to want. For years, I thought I should be a singer, because everyone told me I was very good at it. But I've never actually thought about what I want in terms of music, or what kind of music or, and I've been doing some thinking about that. There is an area where I have been able to express what I want. And I think that's very interesting, because I think this is the area in which it's easiest for me to grow and develop. And that's in personal relationships. And a few years ago, I started journaling with intention about attracting specific qualities in a person to me. And I achieved that goal. I am currently with a partner who has many of the characteristics I intended to attract. And so I think it's interesting that I'm able to do that in the social aspect of my life. But when it comes down to things that truly only depend on me, I seem to lack motivation or inspiration. I've actually looked into whether or not I might be ADHD, and just been masking really well for my whole life. And some of those symptoms do resonate with me, but I'm not quite sure what to do about that.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah, sometimes that kind of label can help normalize experiences, but it doesn't necessarily tell you what you want. Right? It's not going to go "Okay, that means that I now want this." So what worked for you within the personal relationships that helped you feel inspired and motivated?

Client:

I really like sex.

Valerie Friedlander:

That's fair. Okay, well, so actually, that that is a knowledge of something that you want. Exactly. Which is in relation to another person, but that the thing that comes up a lot within, what do you want, is it doesn't actually exist in isolation of anybody else it is. So we're social creatures. So naturally, what you want is going to have some sort of relationship to other people, at least on some level. So to completely push everything aside won't necessarily work within that. But there's a difference between I want this and I should do this should always have less energy than want to.

Client:

And that's the thing. So then what?

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah, well, I'm curious within all of this, of all the things that you've done and experienced, when did you feel most motivated?

Client:

I have moments that I can point to at certain points of my life. And, unfortunately, they always seem to be the first time I've done something the first time I do something, I'm very excited about it. So the first time I trained for a triathlon and competed in a triathlon, I was determined, I was motivated, and I wanted to finish the race. And I had better times and everything except running than I had ever had in any training session. And I wasn't even trying to be competitive, I was just having fun. Subsequent times that I have tried, again, to get into a group and train, I have not been as successful. The very first time I did an exclusion diet, to get more vegetables into my diet, I was enormously successful, I felt really good about myself, I felt motivated the whole time. And other times that I've tried to do that, since then have been less successful. Other times that I feel inspired, or I feel motivation, almost always involve other people. So in singing, it's being in rehearsal with other people, it's being in a coaching or in a voice lesson. I almost never feel inspired to actually start something. But if I can drag myself there, I have a lot of fun. I even have a lot of fun and individual practice sessions, but I'm never motivated to get a practice.

Valerie Friedlander:

I'm wondering within that, what does it mean to be motivated?

Client:

It means to feel an impulse to do something.

Valerie Friedlander:

If you knew what you wanted, like you were crystal clear, like, this is what I want. How would you feel?

Client:

I think I feel a lot of things, if what I wanted was really different from what I have right now. I think I would feel some disappointment. And some recognition that I have hard work ahead of me. I also think part of the problem and knowing what I want is that I feel like I can be content in almost any situation that isn't hazardous. And I've even found myself content in some hazardous situations, mostly emotionally hazardous, thank goodness. So I feel like my amiability is actually working against me, because I feel like I could be happy in a number of different settings. But I have, I've never actually felt like I've done something because I really, really want it to I mean, I bought a house this last year, but I bought the house I wanted and I determined that I wanted the house because it was across the street from two of my best friends in the city. But the idea that I wanted to buy a house, that that kind of came from a lot of different areas, I think it is still a genuine want. Because the want hidden behind the one is more financial stability, and not needing to pay rent. And having a house that I could rent out a room if I needed to provides a lifestyle that I've never been able to create for myself.

Valerie Friedlander:

So it's interesting just now, when I asked you, how would you feel if you knew what you wanted, the first thing you said was what you were resistant to having happen. You're afraid that knowing what you want will lead to disappointment and hard work. So it makes sense that you aren't finding something that you want because there's like nobody wants to like go look for something and find something that's going to lead to disappointment and hard work. Why would you do that?

Client:

Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander:

And then you told me that well, I can make anything okay, well Definitely I mean that the okay like toleration space is very like meh.

Client:

Yeah,

Valerie Friedlander:

It's okay. But it is comfortable, it's safe, it's comfortable, you don't have to worry about the hard work and disappointment, you just kind of go along with it. But it's kind of met. And that's actually a very normal thing for that space to have it be a space where you're lacking motivation to do anything like that's most people who are in that good enough space are, why would you try for more, if more actually doesn't sound like it might actually be something you would want. So if I were to give you a magic wand, and you could experience life, any way you wanted at all, you just wave the magic wand and you could have it be whatever you wanted. What would it be like?

Client:

I would want to travel, sometimes by myself, sometimes with friends, sometimes with my partner. I would want to experience life in other places and other cultures. I would want to learn more languages. I would also want to be the lead singer in pink Martini.

Valerie Friedlander:

Okay, what about travel appeals to you?

Client:

I'm not really thinking about travel in a traditional sense. I'm thinking about travel where I'm actually staying put for three months minimum, and really experiencing what it's like to live in a different place. It sounds exotic, it sounds carefree, to be able to have the resources. Even if I am working in various places that I go to or bartering services for room and board. It feels carefree.

Valerie Friedlander:

Where do you experience the sense of carefree? Like when you think of carefree? Where is it resonating in your body?

Client:

I think I'm feeling it in my heart chakra.

Valerie Friedlander:

Okay. It's interesting. What you just told me about motivation is all around New. Doing something new, experiencing something new taking in learning, trying new, travel, learning, experiencing something new life somewhere else new. So there's, there's this expansiveness that I'm feel like getting from you when it comes to living there. You want to live expansively. But when we were talking about knowing what you want, you went from fear, disappointment to stability. Yeah, and everything that you're pulling towards when you think about what you want, is not about stability. It's about change.

Client:

Yeah. I think having the stability to afford that change easily.

Valerie Friedlander:

Okay. So what do you think holds you back from doing new things and experiencing that carefree learning, traveling, taking in things? I mean, besides COVID with the travel part.

Client:

I have an idea that I won't have enough money. I did actually, recently do a COVID safe trip, were in the fall, I took a weekend and did a solo camping excursion. And that's the kind of thing that's accessible to me now. But it took a pretty strong catalyst of wanting to be away from everyone and everything. For me to actually get out there and do it. And I'm not sure if I would do it again, myself. One of the things I really love about my partner is that he drags me along on all his outdoor adventures. And so I don't have to do any planning. I just really need to show up. But I think It is interesting that there's this pull between new experiences and stability. Mm hmm.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah. It sounds like there's a big fear that's coming up, that's like, we're gonna stick with good enough, like something is gonna happen. If you allow yourself to want bigger and put yourself in that position.

Client:

I've been battling with myself self worth, for all of my life. And a big portion of last year's work, was getting ready to be ready to get rid of that belief that I am not worthy of good things. I think some of this year's work is in learning how to be a good friend to myself. I think that fear is stemming from that negative belief.

Valerie Friedlander:

That totally makes sense

Client:

I don't know what I'm afraid of happening. Like. Yeah, I don't know, what I'm afraid of happening. I know, in, in music, I'm afraid of not being successful in a traditional sense of becoming a famous opera singer, or becoming a famous rock star, even like, a little bit famous, you know, like, so that's a little easier to say, Okay, well, that's my fear that I won't be good enough. That this... Oh, that this belief that I've held for so long, that I'm not good enough will be validated by the outside world. Whoa,

Valerie Friedlander:

yep.

Client:

Okay.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah. Which is naturally going to push down your motivation to put yourself out there.

Client:

Yeah. I've never connected that before.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah, our brains work really hard to protect us. And we experience emotional pain, or we perceive emotional pain the same as we do physical pain. So any, and especially any thing that you've experienced that has validated that belief that you don't deserve? to really enjoy life? Yeah. is going to add to that, like, Oh, well, see, I'm right. So if I feel lucky to have what I can get, instead of I want more, I want what I really want.

Client:

So it isn't really about what I really want.

Valerie Friedlander:

Because you know what you really want, you're just told me.

Client:

But that's if you wave the magic wand.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah. But you have a magic wand that you can wave. It's I mean, it's there's a little bit more legwork than just the arm moving around, but like, walking towards that the idea of stepping into something new, and trying something new. I'm wondering, what comes to mind when you think of trying something new?

Client:

Well, I just did a water fast for the first time. Mm hmm. That was new. Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander:

You mentioned the money thing, which is a big one for a lot of people. I mean, it's a pretty social dynamic. There's lost stuff there. I'm wondering how clear you are on how much money is enough?

Client:

That's a good question. I I don't know how much will be enough. I have a tendency to spend money when I get it. Uh huh. That's actually something I'm working on this month, is really just having a no buy month and only buying replacements and things that are necessities. But I don't really know how much money is enough. I've kind of done some calculations from time to time about how much I would need to be absent from my life here. Because I'm not willing to give up the stability of my home or in the past I have been willing to give up the stability of my apartment. And there's always been a pet that needs to be taken care of somehow while I'm traveling. And so I you know it at various points I've come up with various figures like For us trip road trip, I would need a minimum of my monthly expenses, back home, plus whatever I might be spending on the road. And so at various points, that's probably ended up to be around 20 $500 a month, because my expenses aren't that great. And the interesting thing is that I currently have a job that allows me a lot of free time, but doesn't pay me very well. So I work in childcare, I don't work a full day. And I'm off pretty much every day between one and 230, I have the rest of the day to myself. in normal times, I would have the whole morning to myself, and I would go into work at one and it'd be free at six. So in some ways I have the time. My job depends on the school year. So I have the summers that I technically wouldn't have to work. But I don't make enough money during the school year to actually save for the summer. So I've been doing a lot of thinking about how to make various liabilities I own into assets and, and doing some pretty severe work. Like I said, with not spending while home.

Valerie Friedlander:

It's not terribly surprising that there's some struggle around not spending, because if you don't believe you're worth having money, you're not going to keep money.

Client:

Mm hmm.

Valerie Friedlander:

So that can also tie into that story.

Client:

Yeah,

Valerie Friedlander:

Well, the key to shifting a story like that is to start giving yourself evidence that you are worth things.

Client:

Okay, what does that look like?

Valerie Friedlander:

Well, it's up to you what that looks like, you may look at past things of like, oh, that worked out. Well. I actually had fun, and using those things as evidence that you deserve fun. Yeah. Instead of making it about somebody else, getting you to do it. And so it's only because of them that you got the fun that you actually got fun because you deserve fun. You're worth having fun. You had fun. Not somebody else had fun. You did.

Client:

I have to think about that. I'm glad we're recording because I'd like a copy so I can read listen. And yeah.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah, absolutely.

Client:

Just a lot of concepts flying around.

Valerie Friedlander:

Mm hmm. Yeah. So I'm wondering if, if you knew that you were worth enjoying life. You mentioned travel, experiencing life, and actually be the carefree, you are worth living a carefree life. And feeling that expansiveness in your heart? You're worth that if you knew you don't have to believe it yet. It's fine. But if you knew you were, how would you feel?

Client:

A lot less stressed.

Valerie Friedlander:

If you weren't stressed, what would you be?

Client:

Care free? I wasn't stressed, what else would I be I would be more engaged in seeking out those new opportunities as opposed to coming home from work and binge watching a show.

Valerie Friedlander:

Okay, so if you knew that you're worth an enjoyable life, you feel carefree, you'd feel engaged? And you would actually seek opportunities?

Client:

I think I would. Yeah. I feel like a lot of these things are reasons why I don't seek opportunities.

Valerie Friedlander:

What do you mean by that?

Client:

I just I just feel like a lot of these blocks are possibly the reasons why I don't feel motivation to seek new opportunities.

Valerie Friedlander:

So what happens is, we often want to feel something before we do something that aligns with that. And the feeling is behind the thought. So we take in information based on like the way we've what we believed about the world, what we believe about ourselves, and we have information come in, and our brain goes, Oh, this goes here. This goes here and this goes here. And it fits it into the buckets that it's familiar with. That mostly happens in the subconscious. So it's not your frontal cortex, it's the limbic system gets fired. So you take in information, and it could even be interpreting your emotions. Like, I feel drained, I feel tired, I don't feel motivated. And your brain goes, Oh, that's because you don't deserve to have fun. You don't deserve to feel excited. And then you go, Okay, and then you don't do anything. And that just proves that oh, I guess I was I was right. Because I didn't. And so therefore, I must not deserve it. And so we we kind of get stuck in a loop of self fulfilling prophecy as it were. The emotional part isn't the part that's going to shift first, because that's happening like that. So what it is, is knowing the belief that's playing, that's tied to that emotion. And knowing what you want to believe, and what you would do if you believed that and then creating the space to hold on to the belief while doing the thing and see what happens. And event and then the emotional part will catch up. But it's also looking for evidence. So consciously looking for so you, you did a cleanse?

Client:

Yeah. Still in it.

Valerie Friedlander:

Okay. Congratulations. How often do you acknowledge the things that you do?

Client:

Oh, not ever.

Valerie Friedlander:

Okay, so that that might be the place to start?

Client:

Yeah,

Valerie Friedlander:

Is to actually list the accomplishments.

Client:

I'm starting to do that, because I'm putting gold stars on days that are no spend days this month.

Valerie Friedlander:

Okay. Even further back than that, look at the past year, and what you accomplished. Anytime you try and look at what you didn't accomplish, see if you can flip it. Okay? And see the things that you did do. Because when we were talking about motivation before, the first thing you were like, well, it's the first time I do something, but everybody has to drag me to do it. And it's, it's my partner who does this. And then I have fun, but I didn't choose it, I didn't do it, and you're not taking credit for it.

Unknown:

This the the specific examples they gave you of the triathlon and the first time I did a cleanse or exclusion diet, those were very self motivated and very self directed. On on the diet thing, I had a companion, my mom was also doing it. And so we did it together. But she didn't make me do it. She asked me if I was interested, and I read the information and I said, this sounds awesome, I really want to do this. The triathlon, I was making a bucket list. And it was on my bucket list to compete in a triathlon before I turned 40. And I was 38. So I had a limited amount of time to complete that bucket list item. And so I did.

Valerie Friedlander:

So what was true about those instances that led you to see them as opportunities.

Client:

They were both kind of whims. Both of those things are not related to aspects of myself that are central to my identity. So it's easier to do something like a cleanse, or a triathlon, or to do a really good job at my day job, because that's not related to music that's not related to who I really identify us. So those things had to do with my body, my physical vessel, but they did not have as much to do with my identity. Yeah, which is the same thing with like, I, I'm successful in attracting a partner with attributes that I desire. That isn't central to my identity.

Valerie Friedlander:

Okay. I'm wondering how much work you've done around who you believe you are.

Client:

I've started doing some work on that last year. But not a lot of it was an I have done some work in finding out who I was. Believe I am by journaling over and over and over again, new beliefs in myself that I want to become stronger than old beliefs. Like in my gratefulness journal at night, I will often say something like, I am grateful for my strong body that supports me through my day to day life. I have some health issues. But I try to focus on the energy that I want to bring in and not, you know, I try to look at Okay, well, I have so much to be grateful for. So I think a really good practice for me would be to start recreating or creating new beliefs for myself in who I am. Because I think a lot of the things I believe about myself are not positive right now.

Valerie Friedlander:

What's one belief that you want to have?

Client:

I am good enough. I am worthy of good things.

Valerie Friedlander:

What are good things?

Client:

Well, relationships. good relationships are good things. My house travel, I'm worthy of being able to travel.

Valerie Friedlander:

If you are good enough to have good things, how do you feel?

Client:

confident? expressive, assertive, decisive, joyful.

Valerie Friedlander:

So you are good enough to experience joy, to feel confident, to be expressive, to be assertive, to be decisive.

Client:

It makes me cry to hear you say that.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah. There's a lot of stuff there. That makes sense.

Client:

Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah. That's the start of releasing beliefs. So the next step with this, and even to tie into what you've been doing, have your journaling. And it's interesting that the first thing you listed with your journaling, and gratitude is about the vessel that you exist in what you just told me was part like kind of side to your identity there. Hmm. So what you're focusing on is, are the safer things. Yeah, they're less painful, which totally makes sense. Again, self protection is a big thing our brain likes to do for us. So yay. And the piece of this is that you don't change anything in terms of those beliefs unless you're doing something different, and taking it in as evidence. So you already have a habit around journaling in the evening, and journaling gratitude, the next piece that might be interesting to explore is what you're grateful for. And just to use your example, that I'm grateful for a strong body, if I believed I deserve this strong body, what would I do with it? And make it even smaller of what would I do with it tomorrow? So when I get up in the morning, and I plan my day out, what would I do with this strong body that I totally deserve tomorrow, and create a plan of action to reaffirm that you do deserve that strong body.

Client:

Okay, I could do that, my journaling habit comes and goes, but I can pick it up again.

Valerie Friedlander:

And then you can kind of start to expand from there, I generally don't recommend picking more than three things. So if you're going to make a plan, so you have like three things you're grateful for. And then three things that you're going to do tomorrow to emphasize that you deserve to be grateful to have those things. And this is a tricky thing with gratitude. Gratitude can be really helpful in really affirming a more positive attitude, like focusing on the things you like, but it can also be a way of staying stuck. I'm grateful. It's good enough. I'm lucky that I got this. Yeah. Instead of I deserve this, which is why I flipped that word around. I'm grateful and I deserve it.

Client:

Right.

Valerie Friedlander:

What do you think?

Client:

(big sigh) I think that feels r

Valerie Friedlander:

Cool. Yay. All right. So you're gonna try that? And what do you think about doing the journal for the next week? The thing that you want to be grateful for deserving of? And then the action that you're going to take? Yeah, at least one no more than three.

Client:

Right.

Valerie Friedlander:

And see what happens.

Client:

I will do that.

Valerie Friedlander:

Cool.

Client:

Yeah, that's exciting.

Valerie Friedlander:

Yeah.

Client:

I've never done that before.

Valerie Friedlander:

And I bet you, you'll start to see more things that you want. Because you now believe that you deserve to want things and have that.

Client:

Cool.

Valerie Friedlander:

Okay. Let me know how it goes.

Client:

I will, I will.

Valerie Friedlander:

I am excited to report that this episode was recorded about a month ago. And I followed up with this client, and found out that she booked a solo trip for herself for spring break, because she can afford it. And because travel is a priority in her life. So exciting. So if this is something that is of interest to you, let's chat and see how I can be of best support to you on your journey. Again, the flow mastery group is open for a small number of women. If you're wondering if you would be the kind of person that would be a good fitness group. The women in this group are deeply caring and fiercely loyal. They're funny and fun to be with free spirited and open minded, hard working and resourceful, anti racist, and pro love. They love nurturing others sharing knowledge and wisdom, creative thinking, solving problems getting organized. And they have big dreams, strong intuition, insatiable curiosity, passionate determination, and an appreciation for the details. If that sounds like you, then let's chat to see if that's a good fit. If not, and if you're like, I know, I want support, but I'm not sure that a group is right for me. I do have some spots open for the podcast. If you wanted a session like this one, and you were cool with it being recorded. Apply for one of those spots. If you're like, Yes, I want that. But no, I don't want to record it or Yes, I want to work with you. But I'm not really sure how the fitting call is the place to start. And a link for that is in the show notes. So go check it out. Go now. And I will talk to you all next week.

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